Real Life vs Sci-Fi Adventures

I am an avid sci-fi fan, of several genres, but these days, it’s more Star Trek series on demand, and also on television, even tho I also love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and many others. Things w the whimsy, fantasy genres too, set me off in a positive direction…why, u may ask? Because real life is often less stellar in its conflagration of peoples who refuse to see commonalities, but instead exploit our superficial differences. It is frankly stupid in the extreme to go after people in my home society for having more melanin pigment in their skin, simply because of higher exposure to the sun’s rays, over eons of exposure, as an environmental adaptation, because fair skin burns more easily. Yet here we r: people who r black, brown skinned r still facing horrors of life because the dominant race, which is white, tho not 4 much longer…have demonized our fellow man & woman as “other.” I personally abhor this, as it’s no better than what happened to my people, in an extreme version of hatred, in the ideology we now call Naziism, or Fascism. My people were Jewish, and vilified, to be subjected to a genocide, due to envy of what we appeared to be, in the 1930’s in Europe, when Adolf Hitler rose to power. I personally wasn’t here then, only my own ancestors, who had also fled Europe before that time. I feel for any peoples who r subjugated and vilified in ignorance of what they r, or what others perceive us to be. Thus, nowadays, my heart bleeds for the people of Ukraine, as they r being victimized by an evil man, Vladimir Putin, leader of Russia. The aggression against Ukraine began in the 3rd week of February, and continues to this day, in a war against its people, who merely want to live their own lives in peace. I feel it acutely, their suffering, and their flight to other countries. I have Ukrainian blood running thru me, as identified by

So I go back to my own science fiction love, as a more diverting subject, that actually brings me joy, because it’s hopeful for the function and survival of humanity, unlike what we have in real life on the ground on Earth today. In Star Trek, we have moved beyond all the petty things, and work together for the betterment of our own species and also in exploration of other societies, in space and benevolence, generally. We r no longer hung up on racial, economic differences, and even looks r less important, in favor of talent, and contributions, hard work that benefits others…a well run machine we have become, and there r also some joys, without regard for what money u have…and your medical care is simply provided, without concern 4 that Almighty Dollar. All life has value! And is treated as such. Very equitable. U can ask for anything u want from a replicator, and get it. Go to a holodeck to recreate a cafe in Paris that u may remember from the past…and meet that long lost girl/guy that u can also replicate as well, as a hologram that has certain abilities that u may desire…sounds good? Again, real life is infinitely worse. U can’t ever go back to that time when u were at a life fork in the road, and take the other path, that u rejected back then. And thus your entire life trajectory altered w that decision. U do not have real access to a God-like deity “Q” who can fix your sorry existence w a snap of his fingers. But if u did…I have a really wild imagination, that is even frequently naughty, and very creative, that puts on black lights, in a dark room, dancing to ABBA, in a mirror, darkly, wearing wild lingerie, furs, hats, heels, anything that gets my guy’s dander up….and then make love over a lazy afternoon…talking about what might have been, but wasn’t, because we had our reasons to not do that, back when it was possible to do. Yup, lots of scenes wander thru my subconscious and I am even aware in waking hours too.

I like to arouse men. Excuse me if it’s uncomfortable. I dislike my own real life, as I have more libido than ought to be allowed in a female of my age. So it is wasteful that men have their own lives in real life, married to people they r sworn to be faithful to, for as long as both shall live…and at this age, there is nary a man available who is free to marry, and if he is, u also wonder why, as in what’s wrong that he couldn’t get someone?? There is usually a reason. What, witness protection program?! Never mind. I have also refused some men also, who even wanted me, for sex, or even more than that, marriage…I have my own internal standards also. Not anyone will do. And so, I spent my life both unwed, and childless, but I do have unprecedented freedom to do as I please. And there is some good to that too. It’s unusual, yes, but I see the angles of life. If I remain as I am, and die this way, my dear friends will divvy up my estate, and it may even change some of their lives 4 the better, as it did mine, when those events occurred, that my father and uncle had passed on. I gained other things of great value from my mother as well, to not leave out her contributions. And if I had adopted a child, my entire estate would have to have gone to that child, and there is danger in that too, to not have a good solid background w which to handle such an event, and guidance, wisdom, education, good financial planning…I had all of that before my inheritance, so I managed it well. Mature I am, as I ponder my sci-fi dream existence, serene, grateful, and still alive on this imperfect Earth.

I will leave a joke from early Star Trek: The Next Generation, season 1, w Security Chief Tasha Yar, who got a germ on board the Enterprise, and was acting a little bit drunk, when she propositioned android Lt. Commander Data, as to his functionality in bed! “I am programmed in a wide variety of pleasure techniques…yes, fully functional!” That was all she needed to pull him into her quarters to test drive him! She was mortified later, when cured of the bug she had. “It never happened,” she told Data afterward, but he never forgot. I am like that too: no one ever forgets me in that way, and I have ruined more than a few men thus. Ahh, at least my share of life stories!

My last question is it a closed list of lovers 4 me? All in the past? Come hither, my lovers. I will be glad to qualify at least one of u.

Wish List for my 58th Birthday

Desirables on as of 4/9/2022

Actor/Personality/Celebrity/Musician. Price for the Cameo Message

Brent Spiner $299+ (Plus is for other services)

Jeri Ryan 345

Terry O’Quinn 200

Wayne Knight 330 (Newman on Seinfeld!)

Robert Picardo 150

Nana Visitor 100

John deLancie 150

Tim Russ 100

Doug Jones 60

Richard Schiff 249

Jonathan Frakes 300

Hisham Tawfiq 150

Michelle Hurd 50

James Pickens Jr. 300

Gates McFadden 180

Garrett Wang 100

Brad Garrett 450

Kevin McKidd 300

Robert Duncan McNeill 125

Nicole DeBoer 59

Marina Sirtis 150

Emilie deRavin 125

Lee Majors 349

Denise Crosby 100

Anne Wersching 60

Chris Noth 600

Anthony Rapp 75

Ice T 450

Tracie Thoms 50

Evan Evagora 75

Saul Rubinek 175

Connor Trinneer 100

Wilson Cruz 99

Drea deMatteo 350

Anthony Montgomery 99

David Ajala 50

Richard Dreyfuss 699

And last but not least, one of my all time faves in singing:

Dionne Warwick 350

This list is heavy on various Star Trek actors, in several series, but it also contains a smattering of Seinfeld, Lost, The Blacklist, Grey’s Anatomy, The 6 Million Dollar Man, Sex & The City, RENT on Broadway actors/singers, The Sopranos, Jaws, Everybody Loves Raymond…Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, The Good Doctor.

John Billingsley & Connor Trinneer on stage.
Nana Visitor, in my only to date experience w

I am told I am hard to buy for, and I suppose this is true. So here u go, a head start, w a month to go before my birthday…even tho I know it’s yes, presumptuous to do this. Forgive me.

Post Vacation Euphoria!

I am still reeling from my experience aboard the latest Star Trek the Cruise V! So in contrast to my normal day to day life it was! I fled my isolation, hibernation, winter cold and wet NYC, where driving is at best a white knuckled adventure of potholes, ice, snow, and when u have a mobility disability, it’s like u need to stay in, a lot. And get delivery. Also, when COVID is raging outside, and u r high risk, u r further encouraged to get triple vaxxed, and also avoid people in close proximity at least. So it’s a lonely time to go forward from Christmas 4 me in NY, after which meeting people who matter is just put off, for several months actually….I only see my doormen on staff, the super, once in a while, my primary care physician, my cleaning lady once a month…and it keeps up, too long…like a glacial pace of watching the calendar move, day by day, until such time as warmth arrives…and as NYC is really too far north in this country, winter can run even from October, in the thirties Fahrenheit, to even as long as early April, when we have even seen snow, from time to time! But u get some days of warmth also, here and there, and a light jacket is all that is needed. I find comfort in beaches and sunshine, especially under this long hibernation, as a human, not a bear. So Star Trek the Cruise is an annual ritual of escape and joy, not only because of warmth, but also the really thriving community of people who share a love of Trek and its values, of inclusion, tolerance, charity encouraged, against bullying, laughter, comradeship, oodles of celebrities, whom u idolize, and u get to see friends from across the country, who gather 4 this fest, all of us afloat together! This year, it ran from Feb. 26 to March 5, 2022, leaving from a new point, Port Canaveral, FL.

Next year, it will be in a new place yet again, from Los Angeles, CA. So I will be the cross country traveler then, but it’s also good, in that I will use the jet lag to get out there faster, get accustomed to Pacific time, and also extend my vacation thereby. So the vacation will run likely two weeks then, in order to feel less physical stress, and more warmth. I am accumulating free miles on my American Airlines account, so I can cash in my miles for that 1st class ticket too. And we will be going to a new set of places too, in ports along the Mexican Riviera: Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan and Puerto Vallarta. All new to me. But it’s not even the destinations that r the draw really: it’s my fellow cruisers, and the celebs, and the nice staff on board the ship, all exemplary! They do what we call cosplay, which is remarkable costuming from many Trek series, and have a judging contest each year, and some folks do get also prosthetic makeup put on, on the cruise, to make them professionally made up aliens. People also do other things, like chimpanzee astronauts, dinosaur suits, really the gamut of sci fi loves….even Spiderman! I like to see the cosplay, and perch myself in a chair w camera in hand. This year, one of my friends won the contest even! Q’s Costume Party is voted on by the crowd, w loudness of cheers.

And the dining! Wow, such good stuff also. Even tho it’s not exactly healthy, as u feel the salt content building up in your lower legs w stiffness, as the cruise goes on…and u feel unmoored post cruise, w sea legs, used to walking differently on board a ship, so that land feels peculiar afterwards. It takes a few days to reaccustom to land. And your skin returns to normal too, as the salt flushes out of your body. I am back to my normal functioning now, a week later after my arrival home, on 3/5. I got sick temporarily post cruise too, w a wicked sore throat, and extending to my right ear, some pain…but it was gone quickly too. Only sick from Sunday to Wed. There was no need for further care, and my self care regimen was miraculously brief. And why not? I am still glowingly happy! Special thx to my CA friends Pauline & Daniel, who went w me to dinner out at Jamie Oliver’s Restaurant on board….and then subsequently sent me a 1st time in life gift: a cameo video personalized 4 me, by celeb Nana Visitor, who was also on the cruise! What a gift that was, to have Nana thank me on their behalf for that dinner, in an emailed video message running 52 seconds! I am still flabbergasted by it actually. And I have a pathetic wish to have some friends do this 4 me again even, it was so thrilling! has hundreds of celebrities on their site, for hire, to do any message u might want, at varying rates of pay, depending on how famous the celebrity is. I am looking into doing this for some of my friends also, in case it might be helpful to them, and as thrilling as my 1st one was, to me! But it can be quite expensive, as the cameo message can run as high as $1000, depending on who u hire. My idols include Star Trek celebrities, of course, but also Dionne Warwick is available on the site too….I Say a Little Prayer….a song w special life significance to me. But God bless all my friends, whether or not I get more cameos. I love them all! They make life worth living in fact. Even in lonely winter in NY.

Happiness can also be a warm puppy, which 2 close friends went and got picked up from a breeder, on March 5, 2022. His name is Milo, and he’s truly adorable, if a little bitty breed, a silky haired terrier. I hope to meet him in person soon, along w my friends, as warmth is arriving slowly to NY. Soon, the furs will go back into storage, 4 refurbishment, and it will be soon to get together again, w the locals. All I have to do is write it out, and watch the calendar move to Daylight Savings Time.

And yes, even took out that black and silver sequin dress for this cruise too! I felt exuberant in celebration!

Time Ages Me

I find myself very contemplative, writing out my life in essays, month by month, over the years of this blog. Trying to find new corners of reminiscence, and wisdom of age, to help my fellow man, and make sense of my small existence on this rock called Earth. I am convinced that it is inherently a failure of our species to advance enough in this timeline to see the existence of even microbial life elsewhere in this galaxy, even tho its existence seems to be closer to being proven daily, w the Mars Rover picking up samples of the surface of Mars, for transport back to Earth, in some manner, some day, to be examined by our scientists at NASA. One day they will find proof of life elsewhere but this 3rd Rock from the Sun, in the Milky Way Galaxy. The only question is will I be alive to see it on the news?

I am convinced further that intelligent life exists in the Universe, and we r but one planet w decidedly higher opinions of itself, in the cosmos, compared w the other intelligent and undoubtedly more advanced life on other planets, but not proven yet, because we aren’t advanced enough yet. Far from it. We r infants in the advancement game, actually, and we find it very threatening at this point, to contemplate more advanced life, except in our science fiction, on TV and in the movies, online, etc. When we make such stories up, we always emerge victorious as a species because we need to see ourselves as superior in some elemental way, to reduce our own anxiety about the truth of our lacking cohesion as a species.

We just LOVE Star Trek and its many incarnations because it creates a world where we have advanced as a species to have a common interest in further knowledge and exploration, and doing good for others, generally. Being benevolent w those who r less fortunate than we r. In the real world, we rip each other to pieces, distrust, hatred and maiming, killing each other, atrocities, creating killer pathogens, to murder our enemies…u get it. We all live here and know how fucked up our world is (forgive the expletive, but I am disgusted. It seemed appropriate to use in this context.) We r far from eliminating all hunger, disease, weather calamities, natural destruction, like tornadoes, wildfires, hurricanes, monsoons, floods, volcanoes, earthquakes, pick your poison. We r not masters of our fates, far from it, as the pandemic has taught us. But yet, we create happy moons of movies, to watch, and delude ourselves that the calamities will pass us all by. Mankind emerges victorious in Hollywood, because we control that narrative, not the real life.

But back to how time ages me. Duh! Time ages all of us, day by day! Even if we r forced to go to plastic surgeons, hairdressers, makeup artists, dietitians, medical doctors, physical trainers, all manners of employers whose job it is to make us look younger and prettier, even as we age. Even that aged group known as the Baby Boomers, of which I am a part, now being aged 58-76 years old, in this year 2022, they were born from 1946-1964. My 58th birthday is coming in 3 months. I have a blog entry I keep adding to, of the Meaningful Ancient Giants Among Us, of actors and activists, people of note and expertise, that I admire, all of whom r aged 83 and up, as of the calendar date of October 4th, 2021. Because to be 83 is to be ancient to me, who is now only 57…and some of these giants will be on a cruise I am boarding, this month, to celebrate Star Trek yet again! We r gone to the Caribbean for a week’s worth of parties and fun, a charter ship, w many celebrities on board too, and special charity events to go to, if u r lucky to snag a ticket. I did!

I am glad overall, to be this age. I am still enjoying things, and am able to, and am retired, comfortably. It could certainly be worse than it is. I also relish my freedom, and sometimes find myself bemused that being single, I don’t have to listen to concerns about how a flight coming in at midnight, or later, and we need to drive an hour or an hour and a half to get home, on icy roads, while physically exhausted, is the way to go, because we won’t spend for a hotel room, to sleep it off, until it’s safe the next day. I would never stand 4 it, but when u r a wife, u r supposed to be subservient, and obedient, to your husband’s will, even if he’s dead wrong! Nope, glad I am not a wife! In this case. No one’s life is worth the risk of the accident that could easily happen under such driving conditions. Driving sleepy = driving drunk. Even tho the law will not arrest u for doing the wrong thing, u did place 2 lives in jeopardy, when u decided to do this. I can also recall 2 parents who drove from Queens to Atlantic City, w their infant daughter in the back seat, during a blizzard, without consulting either me or the weather forecast. They were caught overnight in the car, in a snow drift, unable to move, in the freezing cold! The motor stalled. Not even a blanket in the trunk! I yelled them to death upon their return home, as they not only endangered their own lives, but also their infant daughter, at the time. I thank God they got help from AAA, eventually, but they froze in that tiny car too, overnight! This is what u get by aging: wisdom, good common sense, experience, knowledge, maybe more, maybe less, but it’s well worth the journey, whether in the Milky Way, or the Caribbean Sea. And while u r at it, play a nice ditty by Stevie Nicks, like The Landslide, or Dreams, by Fleetwood Mac. It’ll put u in a better mood than this world leaves u in.

Or something rocker like, like Badlands by Bruce Springsteen. I can take it all, because the music has played all thru my life, and it makes this Rock somewhat more bearable, yup. Dancing thru life, w a tune in my head, swirling a dress, drinking a Sex on the Beach, or an Amaretto Sour…and feeling downright groovy. Watch me, kids, I’m gonna party online, and talk up to the stars, and w them too, soon…so I’m happy doing the countdown to Port Canaveral, Florida. And aging ain’t so bad when u have this taste of Paradise in your wine glass.

Great Words in Sentences, A Marsha List

So I got a lot of chatter online recently when I concocted a self-made favorite words list, in remembrance of a youthful exposure to Vocabulary lists passed out every semester in English class at the Bronx HS of Science. But be advised my words r not from that time, and r purely on a slant that my brain is on right now…so do read my usages w humor and bon vivant (a person who enjoys a sociable and luxurious lifestyle). Or as the New Orleans folks say in French: Laissez les bons temps rouler! (Let the good times roll!)

  1. Technical language or jargon in an obscure field might be construed as gobbledygook by an audience untrained in such disciplines.

2. The annual Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute ball is the very definition of smashing!

3. Do u think the word orgasm is a loaded word? Yes, because the compiler of this list has been dubbed “Naughty Newman.” (Credit to Mr Henry Frisch, 2021. )

4. Many people feel discombobulated emerging from a roller coaster ride.

5. English has many shades of meaning in its words. Balderdash means nonsense, like talking gibberish or hooey.

6. Tho the 1st meaning of gook refers to an uncalled for ethnic slur, I simply intended it to be known as a mess on one’s hands, like poorly applied eye makeup.

7. A dog is reportedly man’s best friend, a/k/a a canine.

8. The American holiday of Thanksgiving often is celebrated by inviting guests over to a feast at someone’s home.

9. People w bipolar disorder often enjoy creating a neologism, which is literally a new word. Such words however may not be accepted by the community.

10. There r 2 flamingos named Rhett & Scarlett in residence at The Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory. They r both 9 yrs old now.

11. Seeing a ghost caused Hamlet to feel an inquietude of his own spirit (physical or mental restlessness or disturbance).

12. Acting on stage before a large audience can cause disquietude (a state of uneasiness or anxiety).

13. Watching William Shatner see a monster on an airplane wing in The Twilight Zone is certainly a phantasmagorical nightmare for his character.

14. Transcending the warp 10 speed barrier, Tom Paris & Captain Katherine Janeway went through a transmogrification into parent reptilians in a jungle. (The act or process of changing or being changed completely; often w humorous or grotesque effect).

15. Nowadays, car keys have become elaborate fobs, w many functions.

16. To utterly savor chocolate melting and eating it is often an act of hedonism for the consumer.

17. There r many schools of philosophy to study and all will challenge your preconceived notions of the meaning of life.

18. To say that physics was not my forté at the Bronx HS of Science would be an understatement!

19. A solipsistic view of life entails the believer to think that his self is the only thing that can be known to exist. It is extreme egocentricity and is not too different from narcissistic in meaning. Solipsism is a philosophy (that can be proven to exist, the self). Narcissism: excessive love of oneself.

20. Relativism has been used to explain that knowledge, truth & morality exist in relation to culture or historical context and r thus not absolute. An example would be looking at a certain group as being useful only for slavery because in that time frame, slavery was a known “good” for the society in question.

Post note: A friend asked me to use gobbledygook and gook together in a sentence.(Credit to Ms Pam Ruiz Apollo, 2021). Here was my response: While using Gorilla Glue as gook on her hair, she exclaimed Gobbledygook when she found she couldn’t get it out! Such is my humor, but in this case, it was a true news incident for a young lady, which wound up in her getting pro bono surgery to remove her permanently stuck hair. So really not funny. But a good usage of my crazy words at least. I love the expressiveness of the English language, hence this blog exists.

A Christmas Like No Other

Growing up in a non-observant Jewish family that was officially Reform, but really only in name, as a cultural reference mostly, I was hungering for both faith and God, at a young age. I knew something was missing at home, besides Santa Claus, and my wails about being a Jewish kid who couldn’t have a Christmas tree, or even a thing we called a “Hanukkah Bush,” it was forbidden to me to have anything that resembled happiness or fun at the holidays. The best we could hope for was a nice Thanksgiving maybe, and the usual admonitions against having the tree at home, even without religious symbols. We did have an electric menorah, but it was a lackluster thing, put on or not, night by night, of Hanukkah. It was as if no one could summon the interest to light the lights right to left, each of the 8 nights. So when my father finally left the house to separate from my mother, legally, I was 13 yrs old at that time, and receiving an allowance, which I promptly took to walk to Honig’s on Webster Avenue, the Bronx, and bought my 1st ever 6 foot tall Christmas tree, lugging it though the streets myself home. It was quite the distance to Dekalb Avenue in those days. But I did so happily, as my longed for tree was going to be mine, and no one was going to stomp on my Christmas parade!

And in time, we bought decorations for said tree, and I was happier then. Even though my daddy was gone from the house, only visiting weekly at that point, usually to go to a movie and lunch. But the years of lost Christmas stayed with me, even now. When I went to my local Catholic priest at St Ann’s Church, to inquire about becoming a Catholic, at age 16, I was turned away from such action, because I was not of age yet, to determine such things myself. And my parents were certainly not going to give permission, nope. So I declared my intentions when I was of age, at 18, and was threatened with being disowned, as in no further financial or any other support, and I was in need, being poor at college, as it was, as my parents subsequently divorced. We were having me get myself a very badly needed education in order to not only eventually support myself but also my permanently disabled mother, who was unable to work. It was imperative that I stay and get my degree, so being disowned was out of the question, from such perilous precipice I was hanging from. So my need to be Christian had to go again on the back burner, much regretted actually.

As I was approaching my college graduation, I knew that instruction of Catholic catechism was going to take some months to accomplish, so I entered into the campus Newman Center, and started receiving such instruction, in the vicinity of SUNY Buffalo. I was baptized Catholic on December 14, 1985, and took the risk of the disowning at that point, thinking it was a bluff, as my father got considerable pleasure from being a father, and it didn’t make sense to me that he would actually throw me away at that point. I was right, even tho it was a tense scene. I explained that never did I stop being “Jewish,” certainly not culturally, and I had great respect for my native borne religion, BUT it was just that I was called to believe that Jesus was the Messiah, and I felt this deep in my heart and soul. To this day, everyone knows that I am a hybrid who loves all people, no matter their background. So few seem to be like me these days of division actually.

And so, even to this day, many years later, 35 years this month in fact, it is somewhat incomprehensible to me that I wound up as a single woman, w no husband, no family of my own, albeit saving grace of wonderful friends that I count as my de facto family, and extended even unto their kids, as my honorary nieces and nephews, and a few cousins, some of whom stay in touch periodically…it doesn’t make sense that I as a very loving, kind, generous soul, w a good work ethic, loves to cook, volunteer, be a mentor, and educator, a registered nurse even, tho retired now….what did I do to deserve this fate of being alone?? I have good ethics too, and am tolerant, I help fundraise for good causes…on paper, all your mothers would say I am a star! But alas, u don’t even get thru that monstrous door that is very heavy lead, unless u look a certain way. As I went thru my years of development, educationally and then professionally, I was also care taking, for my disabled mother, and later also, my father, and to a smaller extent, an elderly aunt and uncle, from both sides of my family. There wasn’t enough time, energy, money, space, freedom, a shrinking fertility as the years went on, and I also had an obsession w a man who was also out of my sphere as well. Some analysis elucidated why this was so, as to my father being gay, and hiding same, but yet it had a deleterious effect upon me, ruining me for life. Too many gay guys was I chasing, in order to find the love that my father was bad at showing. Not physically, but that emotional void was quite vast, and harmful. Who would fill that space in my heart that was forever lacking? No one.

To this day, my parents have passed away. Some 10 and 6 yrs ago. All my aunts and uncles r now deceased also. I have one half sister but we r estranged, and will likely never see each other again. Even tho I try, periodically, to be in touch. The promise of my faith has left me quite barren hearted. Even when I tried to adopt a child, I was turned away, as my own health was questionable at the time, and there was no one who would be a back up parent for me in case I died. And I was mourning then also, for my mother, to whom I was very close. It wasn’t like I had the options that I feel like I should be entitled to have as a nice Christian girl of good morals and character. I was even pretty as a teen and 20-something! Some even say so today, not bad for a 56 yr old. So what happened?! Why has my life been left bereft?

I hold on to science fiction too, and some Eastern religions like Hinduism, Buddhism: reincarnation. I don’t like my life anymore, but hey, in the multiverse, this life is only one incarnation. U don’t like it?! Try the next one! We can have multiple fates in separate lifetimes, especially if we leave some important business unfulfilled. I even used such wording yesterday w a friend: my separate lives, because I don’t like how this one turned out! He questioned me, but who knows if the parallel universe construct is real in physics, or just a figment of string theory? Yeah, I know, over everyone’s head at this point. Sorry. I love The Guardian of Forever, whether in Star Trek The Original Series, or recently on Star Trek- Discovery. Traveling thru portals in time, in different universes, in our own, so much freer and less stressful that way: what u leave undone can go on to the next life…some Catholic, huh? What a hybrid I am.

But thank God for Jesus and the Holy Trinity anyway. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

The Time Machine, no, not HG Wells…

If u could time travel, would u?

Fond of sci-fi, I am, and dreaming what ifs….

Creativity in midnight hours, insomnia, a burst of shouting I am here, still, but 4 my beating heart! The Tell-Tale Heart, by Edgar Allen Poe, comes 2 mind, even tho read eons ago. He had a home in the Bronx too. Very ordinary and spare, in what is known as Poe Park, near E. Kingsbridge Rd.

Methinks the would-be time traveler wants escape from dreary daily existence, present time frame. Jokes abound: do not set car engine 2 2020, Delorean car in Back to the Future! U really don’t want 2 be here! Yikes. At least Michael J. Fox is still alive.

Would u have the gumption 2 time travel 2 the future of now?? Confront the Armageddon in progress? Too dramatic? OK. We r making headway in the statistics now, and vaccine development is feverish, worldwide, literally. We flattened the curve. We make time 4 what’s important, varying our daily activities.

But I see bread lines, lines snaking around the block of the nearest pharmacy, limited hours, food pantries overflowing w the needy, and insufficient 2 meet demand, despite platitudes from the Mayor, Hizzoner we call him. Most businesses still shuttered as my roots grow in, and I have not the eyes in the back of my head 2 see my roots back there, so no hope 4 an even handed hair dye job, which is coming on the 2 month mark of necessity….I have literally NEVER dyed my own hair, because I know that it’d come out badly, w roots still showing, in back. Haven’t got anyone 2 do it 4 me either; hairdresser locked down too. No pedicure 4 u!!

I can cut toenails and polish them, but that does not a pedicure make. And it’ll be hot out soon, necessitating that finished look…4 who? Will they see your toes on the ZOOM screen? Nope. No one 2 see, nothing 2 do, but your own create an activity daily, at home…Waiting interminably 4 what?

Nah, I’d not go on my time travel journey 2 the future, hell no! Better the past, as I am aware that the past had some things going 4 it, if not the internet and video chats, ZOOM, young people gaming on consoles, in competition, maybe dreaming of being a sponsored channel, making money even! We used 2 hang together in pizza parlors, chewing the fat…talking and singing, practice dance moves at the community center, learn darkroom photography, yeah, “those were the days, my friend! We thought they’d never end…” I can hear the tune in my mind of that song.

Maybe go back 2 pre-industrial days, density of population way less, farms and dirt roads, the occasional house, and hitching post 4 your horses and carriage…clean air. Today u can still see that, a semblance of it, in Amish Country, Pennsylvania, w those farmers wearing their duds, long gray beards, ladies in little hats, homespun, dresses long, beneath the knees, making these incredible hand spun quilts, they take months 2 make, and r beautiful. Mennonites permit the usage of electricity and a phone at home, but other parts of the Amish do not. And their cooking is just extraordinary too.

Family style dinners 4 20 and up, and reasonably priced. Went all about such area one summer not too long ago, but u lose track, as every day feels endless. “Sunrise, sunset, quickly go the years…” Another song I hear in my mind. Music played a central role in my life.

I have 2 go back to being born in the late 1940’s, w the beginning of the Baby Boom era, because we were going 2 change the world, and did. Ask the millennials if we did a good job. Sure, griping, that climate change is boxing us in, and these same Boomers r cashing out on their lives soon…so no payback 2 them, but instead unfortunate future generations. Figure 120 degree heat in New York City, taps running dry, insufficient food, rising prices, scarcity, power outages because infrastructure was always a second thought…What of big city high rises, houses w 30-40 stories of people living up there, w no elevators??

Nope, going 2 the past I am, time traveler. Make a few Boomers disappear and change history, current. Or prevent someone’s parents from the crucial connection they made, just that, no sex, no this person! Easy, right? Tell my dad that my mom had a baby out of wedlock in 1957, gave it up 4 adoption, u can see the stretch marks, right? If so, my dad would have broken up w mom, and this essay wouldn’t exist, because neither would I.

But he didn’t see, and so was oblivious to that life secret, and so the connection was made. No undoing what is already here. Getting me a nice wood frame house, Greenwich Village, Washington Square Park, the Arch at the very beginning of 5th Avenue, at 8th St. The fountains, the lights, pushing a luggage thru the park one sultry fall night, 2 visit my friend at NYU, and a huge rat runs past me! Whoosh! I must have courage, didn’t scream, even tho it was quite big! We didn’t expect much, even a bed and breakfast was enough 2 make us happy, traipsing the Village, thinking Macdougal St and Bleecker St were our own Hollywood and Vine. Literary types in kaffeeklatsches, bars, Italian joints, it was a cornucopia of creativity in the 1980’s. CBGB, the Limelight, Red Parrot, Xenon, Danceteria, the Studio 54…Copacabana, slides, pillows, cushions, sex joints pre-AIDS (which arrived in 1981; I was an early bloomer).

Yup, 2 have lived in the past was the way 2 go. Big dreams, big fantasies, big boobs, long legs, brains and barbs, jokes and comedy, Saturday Night Live! Seeing stars on Broadway, up close, interacting w them even…the 70-somethings today were born in the 1940’s. Yeah, I’d time travel 2 be one of them, I would. Before the smoke got too dense in the current atmosphere. And I’d make different choices too. Do I get 2 hold onto my current brain and life history when I time travel?? Can I get a do over?

I made a list of Favorite Performers & Age at Death, because I am wondering where I fit in this paradigm. Who mattered 2 me in the Performing Arts? Happily, lots of my faves r still alive, but wearisome too, as so many have also passed. I am on #67 on my list so far. Who mattered 2 me? What criteria do we use, merely emotion towards their passing? Is this banal or creepy? Yup. People cannot accept the talk of death. Witness huge overflowing refrigerated trucks of the dead, outside hospitals and funeral homes. Even ones that aren’t refrigerated, undignified, stench rotting in the air, human remains…greedy morticians. U Haul trucks of the dead, sheesh!

I keep urging my one friend that she needs life insurance 4 herself, her husband and 80 something mother, plus the sister now intubated in critical care at the hospital, all w no money, and no insurance to pay 4 funerals when they come…It’s foolish 2 not see the inevitable, and consign the dead 2 Potter’s Field, 4 failure 2 plan. Just $9.95 per month I tell her, for a basic plan, Colonial Penn Life Insurance, maybe bare bones, but better than this situation. Payments made inside of a week, can be applied to burial costs, usually. I sound like a saleslady, chiding her 4 her irresponsibility. Do u know that unless u both have check writing privileges on a joint account, death freezes your funds? So u being a beneficiary will not pay 4 the funeral, as u need court approval 2 switch accounts over 2 your name….probate, many steps, and how do u pay the rent either, when the accounts r frozen upon death??

I know, having done several estates before this event, so I can be an information source on the problems, and how 2 avoid them. My friend has no such experience, even tho her dad has died, she wasn’t the one handling business after. So no frame of reference. Is uncomfortable w death, and won’t buy life insurance, even if desperately needed, 4 that funeral, her own plus others, coming all too soon. We live in a Pandemic now, and life is cheap. The sister on the ventilator hasn’t got a dime either, nor any life insurance. So mass grave 4 u, that which u didn’t plan 4 or want, and once there, no digging up the grave. No visitations either, as it’s unmarked, mass graves, seen on TV repeatedly, Hart Island with millions of lined caskets, stacked atop one another, w only a number on them. Seems grisly, that fate, that lack of planning. Once intubated, the stats say 80% that u die, and this woman is 67 years old, w many pre-existing medical conditions.

Maybe that woman would want 2 go back to The Time Machine too. Do it over again, maybe drop dead before the Pandemic. Funny how u can think the dead r the fortunate ones. But we r still living, and bemoaning living in these times, always saying it’s temporary, it’s coming out of it, reopening soon, going back 2 normal…But the science doesn’t support that. Science is hard 2 digest, so just feed me bits of bull, and I’ll make it through, thinking just tomorrow is all I need 2 make, even tho no one knows really how long, till normalcy, till theaters, restaurants full capacity, flying again…and toilet paper on the shelves too!

I’ll take my Flying Monkey w a pack of 12 rolls please! And can someone fix me a Sombrero too, that’s a Kahlua w milk, yummy! Just a drink b4 I go….

Little Red Mortar & Pestle

Imagine the pain of being a woman dressed in red w a white cap, to denote the blood and pain, nay anguish, of childbirth…that u r forced to undergo, post ritualized rape, over and over again, all under the guise of a holy patriarchal state! And they may beat u, maim u, hang u for trivial offenses that the state has deemed blasphemous treason, but which r only trivial in reality. They force u also to collectively hang the traitors yourselves, in order to incur God’s blessing, the mouthpiece called Aunt Lydia says.

U r no longer your own person. U r instead renamed as PROPERTY of your Commander. He who rapes u, on the days of your fertility, w his wife holding u down no less, by the arms, spread eagled on the bed, bent in half, between the wife’s legs. If u by chance conceive, that wife and Commander get your baby. 

U r nothing. U have no rights. U can merely follow the rules and the propaganda sayings. “Under His Eye; Blessed be the Fruit; May the Lord open.” That is to say open your legs to bear the fruit of ritualized rape, under the guise of religion it is, a perversion to the nth degree. And when u do give birth, it is without any painkillers whatsoever, just breathing and screams. And then they haul your baby away, and it is unlikely u will ever see her again, because she can go to the most senior of the ruling structure also. Unless u resist, and by so doing, ensure your own destruction, or maiming. Many women get their tongues cut out, because it is unnecessary to have the ability to talk, in order to be fertile and give birth. Or if u aid your fertile woman, then u might have a finger cut off or worse.

U do get to food shop on threadbare shelves, and always in pairs of the uniforms given. U do get medical care, but mostly the reproductive kind. That is all u r, a receptacle 4 sperm. A container, to allow the human race to go on, but under a system of totalitarianism, not much unlike what real women on Earth endure, say in Afghanistan, when the Taliban ruled…the women were no more than this. Just garbage cans to incubate sperm into babies. And to take abuse, have no rights, no education, no music even! 

Picture refugees who left their countries to face likely death on the journey, but felt they had no options, because to stay in place meant being blown up. And when they reach the USA, how much is becoming like Gilead, w our own consent, by the erosion of individual rights, the muddying of the Bill of Rights, the diminishment of our fellow citizens, by withholding their voting privilege, whenever possible, because that favors the party of the right…and the propaganda machine online, w foreign government influence, to trick u into voting right wing, not even considering centrist or left, because other adversaries want u to be a COG IN THEIR WORLD MACHINE. 

MORONS R EASILY INFLUENCED, AND MANIPULATED, WITHOUT SEEING THE SINISTER INTENT OF THEIR LEADERS. With all due respect to my fellow citizens, but u must open your eyes to see what this world is becoming, unless u don’t care, and the clock is running out of sand, inexorably. Ticktock….when the world takes action on climate change, it will already be too late. The window is already closing, like a rope around your neck, in Gilead. Which is after all, what we r in fact becoming…

When women have no rights, when Jews r vilified and hated worldwide, because of what they represent, instead of seeing the good in every single person, we r judge, jury and executioner of our own doom. And it’s happening. Right in front of us: extrapolate current events to 2050, and judge environmental catastrophe then. Glad I was born in way back 1964…I got to live in a Promised Land, at least some chunk of my life. Tomorrow’s girls will not be as lucky. I cite the Jews here not out of malice, but historical precedent, especially given World War II, and the Holocaust. The past will repeat itself when nationalism and even that old term fascism, re-arise (a creation of the far right extremism also). And that is happening also, as we write and speak. My words will outlive me, so I write. The hatred is extant, spreading through many civilizations, including our own, and the Jews r the canary in the coal mine. Sounding the alarms….wake up, and change the course of this travesty, w leadership and concern 4 your fellow man, and woman.

Be not Gilead! Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale, 1985) is a prophet, the same way George Orwell was, w 1984 (in 1949). Literature changes the world, by shining a light on what could be, or what we choose to make of ourselves. As it is, we r being ground up into little pieces, as a society. And we choose not to see it even. It is becoming normalized, like a mass brainwashing. They r watching us, even now, and listening too, via connected homes, smart TV’s, u name it. They know all about u, and have monetized it even. Monopolies have lots of info about u, and r trading on it, 4 their own enrichment. Beware. U r not as far from your hellish dystopia as u think u r….rise up and invest in alternative energy, make those who r disenfranchised your leaders, once u give them a superior education to make them able to stand up. Only when u give more than u get r u virtuous and worthy of better.

Parallel Universe

Pursuit of pleasure

Intensity of thought, making it so

For thought is action in the multiverse.

To think it is to make it happen, but in another galaxy

Far, far away, with our doppelgänger…

But we are encapsulated here, with our own limited mortal existence

Unaware of the other. How freeing, but also how sad, to think all of our thoughts informed another being’s life

Without either knowing one was acting on the other.


Mirror, Mirror; Counterpart; Star Trek: Discovery: all figments of our collective imaginations, thinking we are far more than this shell, housing a soul.

Because we are. We are infinite energy, in infinite combinations, with no limits

As our thoughts become real, but outside of our consciousness. If you wanted that woman, or man, but had him not here, be aware that it happened elsewhere…

Because love is eternal, and transcends even death.


Our mortality is a test to see where we go, post this rotting shell existence.

But at least we are not limited by fleshly concerns, for the spirit is always beautiful, timeless, infinite and wise, and does for the good of all beings, who merit the paradise.


Carpet bombing adversaries on world stage: EXPLOSIONS

Shattered bodies in millions of shards of glass, rubble, innards

Unmeant to be seen on splattered walls and munitions

Weeping women in tattered clothing; men carrying comrades in bloody rags

And body bags. Make shift hospital tents, IV’s running on poles

Of the shattered innocents. Aleppo, Syria; Baghdad, Iraq; Mogadishu,

Even Pearl Harbor, New York City, Washington, DC and a lone airfield

in Pennsylvania. Destruction to the nth degree. For what?

Man’s passions unquenched in war against enemies

Going on and on, unto the atomic apocalypse…

Because it exists and is proliferating; and the silent terror

Wants it, to inflict ever more harm on the enemy in retribution

For slights and slayings of the past…bloodletting begetting more

Bloodletting. Armageddon is written about in Scripture. See the book Revelation?

The Catholic Bible calls it Apocalipsis; that is to say the Apocalypse…

The ones who die before this day are the fortunate ones, to never behold what is coming

To their own lives, and that of their progeny…

When your water stops running FOREVER. When there is NO MORE MEDICINE.

When there is no more FOOD. Only guns, hatred, desperation and RISING TEMPERATURES

WORLDWIDE. When the investment markets COLLAPSE and all you have are your survival skills and your alliances with the powerful…

Yes, ’tis a good day to be with the Angels in Heaven, my dear, or softly asleep, awaiting final judgment. For the survivors will be Baking a Living Hell…

And a bullet may be your best friend. Ironic. Maybe the National Rifle Association has it right at the End…the guns are your friends when all is nigh.

At least a way out from unending misery. Imagine a world with no money and what that means…Or a lack of brute strength against gang rape, or no rule of law…


Just yesterday without warning, my heat failed due to extreme cold, which begat a water main break near my home, which in turn meant not only no heat on a wind chill 10 degree night, but also NO WATER AT ALL, and ice forming on black concrete, and honking cars going nowhere…And all you had was an estimate and practically no notice as to the shutdowns of all water and heat…AND you had no health insurance because of a bankrupt company leaving you holding the bag…the cold might mean you get sick…

So you fill a large bathtub with brown dirty contaminated water, in case of needing to flush a toilet without any water…and gather a large bucket in case of need…AND then decide it wasn’t worth the risk of staying put…so you pack a bag and check into a hotel…AND PRAY for a return to normality in a timely manner…


In the Apocalypse, there will be no return to heat, water and there will be no hotels to retreat to…only you and your guns against the world. Still wanna live then?

Sure you do. Hard wired for survival we are. Even when it is against our best interests to do so.