Prolific Rock-n-Roll Concert Goer!

I just went through my 7 scrapbooks of significant events, which have been compiled to date from age 11 to now, 55 years. And the object this time was to discover how many unique performers and groups I have seen in concert, excluding theater shows, like on Broadway, or the West End in London primarily. I knew that at least some of the listed performers will have been repeated, as I like to do things that are pleasurable repeatedly.

The longest list of performers seen repeatedly was Bruce Springsteen, both with and without the E Street Band, now standing at 19 times seen live in person. But then, that was a no brainer, as I have been dubbed the #1 fan in all of New York State. My home is a  shrine to him, and also with Patty, in some of it. With Bruce goes Patty, after all. And she counts as a subcategory too, for being in the E Street Band, as I enumerated these groups and performers by how many have women in them. Unsurprisingly, rock is a male dominated domain. We came in with 47 groups or performers female, at least one member, out of total list count of 145.

Wow, 145 distinct groups! But I also followed the rule that the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame uses: that a musician can be included both as a solo performer as well as a group member. There are several instances of that too, in my list. A few of the performers were counted as concerts, even though the line between theater like spaces and concert halls might have been blurred, in a few cases. For example, Springsteen on Broadway was a theater, but he qualifies as a concert artist, because the bulk of appearances were in concert venues. Saw him on Broadway three times though, 2 of which were in the 1st and 2nd row orchestra, so we interacted again, all 3 times even, because I am loud and boisterous in my enthusiasm!! He saw me, wearing my custom made T shirts, with him and me meeting in person, for his book, Born to Run, which was in the same week, in September and October 2016, NYC and Seattle. Yup, bonkers 4 the Boss! Blinded by the Light of his brilliance indeed.

Now methinks that this list should be made into a work of art, but that is in the realm of fairy dreams…as it will be a commission of an artist, which isn’t something I have ever done. Probably too much to do, in cost. Or a patchwork quilt? Another pricey item…and how do u include 145 artists on a quilt 4 a bed??!! Sounds like too much. As a rebellious teen-ager, I wrote on my bedroom wall, in black magic marker, a list of my performers, among other important things…on a mint green painted wall. I remember the parental reaction too, back then, of writing on walls. My compromise was to repaint the wall, years later, into Dark Purple, so writing was not an option then. Still rebelling, year after year after year. It also said on that pre-wall: SEX, DRUGS AND ROCK-n-ROLL REIGNS SUPREME! You might have thought my single mother at the time might have been alarmed by such a religion of my teen self so obviously displayed. And I was experimenting, from age 15 on, because I was an early bloomer in all these things. Permissiveness was the parental style in my teen years. When sex was on the menu, a visit to the gynecologist was necessary then, to prevent pregnancy and STD’s. OK, they thought, kids are growing up…and this is part of that. Practical advice and medical care, that was it. And yes, alcohol experimentation, weed, hash even, but nothing worse than that. No cocaine, no crack, no OxyContin, which might not have even existed back then.

Today’s young people have a whole panoply of threats to their welfare, much more than in my youth. A country gone amok with gun crazed lunatics, armed to the teeth with AR-15’s, AK-47’s, vaping with permanent damage quickly to young lungs, many many pain relievers that are narcotics in the homes of their parents, and a culture that is avoidant of such narcotics, which means inadequate pain relief, even when it’s clinically indicated. Because countless millions have already died from the heroin substitution post no more narcotics availability. Fentanyl, laced products with horse pain relievers, that kill just on the first time. Add on all sorts of threats, including biking in streets filled with unconcerned motorists, who look at the bicyclist like he is an impediment to your getting where you want to go, fast! It’s the same attitude that drug dealers use: it’s all about me, and my own needs; never mind you, and your needs. That doesn’t concern me.

We are in a soup of threats, which to me the biggest one is the climate change catastrophe. One of these threats will be coming to get you, one day or the next, so my advice would be to be good, to help your fellow man, and to care about him and her, because the good you do counts on your life ledger, before the Last Judgment. And in the meantime, enjoy your music, food and drink, sex, whatever floats your boat!

It’s later than you think. Have a party too! Because people like that sort of thing. Sing, dance, eat and drink…no harm in that. And the endorphins are flowing, which is its own pleasure, the natural kind. We will keep doing the stuff we love, even while the world is crumbling, in pieces, shattering glass, up till the end. Kristallnacht will be repeated in the future, and it won’t only be the Jews, but any minority group you find yourself in. They are coming for you too, because hatred is this time’s Boogeyman. Everywhere. And no one is safe, ultimately.

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In the Eye of the Storm: Dorian

Irony: the beautiful calm of the sea, with sunset nigh, waters calm seemingly, but churning just beneath the surface, in the canyons with volcanoes and vortices of whirlpools, unseen, just beneath rising sea levels.

One day soon, the land will be swallowed up, under those rising seas, with low lying lands first, islands slammed by 200 mph winds of hurricanes, cyclones, monsoons, whatever you call them, it’s all the same: deadly. Today, it’s the Bahamas, a protectorate of the United Kingdom, tomorrow Florida, Georgia, South and North Carolina, US mainland, presumably guarded by all stages of government, federal, state and local.

Except that FEMA is functioning, telling the gospel of self-reliance, because that’s what the Feds want you to do. DON’T LOOK TO THEM! They will not save you from the inundating waters, not really. It’s a coins toss whether some rescue officials will come to get you off your house’s roof, or fish you out of your submerged car. FEMA funds have been cut by this POTUS, in favor of building that Mexico and Central American blocking wall. That is the priority: keep those would be immigrants out, but at the expense of Americans who will die in the flood waters, or the catastrophic surge, or in diseases in the aftermath of the storm, in camps with cots, tarps sure, but nothing more…it’s a long term problem, and FEMA needs more funding to fight it.

Hatred is corroding the USA from within. Microwaves inundating our government workers who were working in Cuba and China. Big study of the effects, neurological damage all, permanent, by University of Pennsylvania Medicine. State Department is playing politics with these workers and their families, as CHINA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH USA IS TOO BIG AND SPECIAL, SO WORKERS DON’T GET LABELED AS HARMED BY SECRET MICROWAVE RADIATION WEAPON, AND MEDICAL COVERAGE IS LIMITED BY TIME, OR DENIED, AND THE EFFECTS ARE PERMANENT. CHILDREN AND SPOUSES ALSO HARMED AS WELL, NO PAID REHABILITATION FOR ANY OF THEM, BECAUSE CHINA HAS TO BE DEFENDED, EVEN IF OUR PEOPLE ARE THE ONES WHO PAY A TERRIBLE PRICE. Another hostile country has also used this weapon against our government workers, but it is classified, so we don’t know which one. We only know because 60 Minutes is a massive resource for American citizens to know the truth, which is out there, simply to discover.

Dorian is churning, moving at 1 mile per hour now, destroying the whole of the Bahamas, then us next…and the government just issues platitudes ahead, to get 7 days of supplies of non-perishables, which won’t be nearly enough, when the lights go out, and there is no potable drinking water, and there are so many high rises, with no working elevators, and the pumps of gasoline run dry, and flood waters inundate the foolish, who stayed behind, maybe as  death wish, despite mandatory evacuation orders.

And people have short memories, not recognizing that these monster hurricanes are repeat affairs, year after year, and one year, it’ll be arriving on your doorstep too, as the sea level rise is in progress, with ice sheets melting into the world’s waters, killing coral reefs, and then fish, and then the last consumer: humans. Coming soon are the days of no viable drinking water, no tap water, no electricity as our Earth burns up. And the death counts rise annually. One day they will categorize such deaths as under the umbrella of Global Warming.

We needed to care, but we didn’t, not in time anyway. And the children and grandchildren will condemn our generation for not caring enough, for not doing enough when the scale was tipping and we could have averted catastrophe, but didn’t. When you vote for President Trump, please consider your children’s and grandchildren’s future on this warming Earth. He is no friend to the Environment, and he is 73 years old, a narcissist textbook definition that, with no concern about others, even his own family, who will live longer in this soup than he will. If I were you, I’d be mad as hell about that.

We are talking about the future of our entire Human Race here. Politics should not enter the equation, as we can see, if we have but eyes to do so. If you care about your future family, who gets to live in this severe and worsening problem, do something NOW! It’s already upon us, the Judgment. And if you do nothing, or vote Republican by rote, as it’s your worldview, or your upbringing, your culture, consider that you voted for the Death of the Entire Human Race. I can hardly believe that I needed to write this before we have been snuffed out.

For the record, I live in a coastal city too: New York City. Even though the water of the Atlantic Ocean isn’t at my doorstep, it also isn’t too far away. When the tsunami of water comes, it’ll swallow me up too. But I have lived my life already, and I grieve the young, because I was one who did care about the future, even though I did not bear children myself. I have a piece of paper in my desk drawer that reads thus:

“Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me; weep for yourselves and for your children. For the time will come when you will say, ‘Blessed are the barren women, the wombs that never bore and the breasts that never nursed!'”- Luke 23: 28-29. Said by Jesus Christ in the Gospel of Luke. This quote is being made true by our times right now, as we approach further into the Hourglass of Running Sand, whose time is running out. And it’s counter-intuitive to say so, as humans have always revered mothers, and mocked the barren and childless. But it’s comforting to me, to know that I have been mocked thus. But I grieve, as a would be mother, if that had been my life fate. I care about our world and the people in it.

When will we wake up? From this nightmare scenario? Connect the dots, people, and consider my words. We have to examine what the greater good or the lesser evil is, before the future adults curse us in our graves, for not acting, when there was still time.

Greenhouse President

What changes this looming and already occurring disaster called global warming?

Political expediency, and pride, egotistical concern, that’s what, at least here in the behemoth polluting USA.
Disproportionate energy fossil fuel consumption compared to world population statistics condemn the USA as the per capita WORST WORLD POLLUTER RE CARBON SOURCES OF GLOBAL WARMING. We account for about 15% of all the world’s heat trapping gases making our only home planet a Venus experiment in the Greenhouse Effect.

The irony now is that this admitted friend to Big Oil polluters who are disproportionately guilty of this human disaster on a worldwide level, the POTUS, who removed us from the Paris Climate Change targets and treaty, which at least began to correct the overflow of carbon gases, like carbon dioxide and methane, which are sealing our own doom, already…his only big motivator is not the future of the human race, but instead his own imperiled reelection in 2020.

He has been told now that the American people are aware that climate change is in fact real, is growing in catastrophic effects, with severe storms, overgrowth of pathogenic organisms in the air and sea, soil, acidifying oceans, where sea life is dying off along with the coral that supports marine life, etc. You get the idea.

The people may in fact vote with their feet, or against him, en masse, because when your house is lifted away from the land by flash floods, or your food supply is endangered, or the heat is unbearable, and some lunatic with a gun comes to get you, because the heat promotes crime statistics too…or the water gets shut off in your home, or the snakes are in the water of the floods….well, maybe your leadership needs a change. 

He will be motivated to change when his position is imperiled. When his thinkers and advisors see that the climate and his support of big business against your way of life being swept away, he may be forced to change. He wants the glory of the Presidency for 8 years, because that is what his ego demands.

We will see if America will go along with that premise. But it is a vulnerability looming large these days….and the more the tornados come, and the hurricanes, floods, winds of change sweep not only the plains, but big population centers, the people will be afraid, and vote for change, even when they don’t like the Democratic playing field as it exists now. There is such a thing as fear being a powerful predictor of election outcomes.

When 2008 the economy was in free fall, over several sectors, housing, stock and bond markets, too big to fail companies caving in, out stepped Barack Obama, and close to election time, September 2008, Lehman Brothers, and all the rest of economic catastrophe, well, people put him in, and likely due to some confluence of events lined up, it was fate. Such is history, the lining up of the Fates, at a particular moment in time.

The President would do well to learn from this, and take a different stand with regard to the environment especially, as the window of opportunity is fast closing. And the people are waking up from their long slumber. We need a leader who stands for tomorrow as well as today. And we owe it to the younger people too, who have more years to spend ahead. Watch also Juliana vs. the United States for judicial developments on change re this issue. The Trump Administration is trying to get it dismissed, but has so far not met with success on that front.

Little Red Mortar & Pestle

Imagine the pain of being a woman dressed in red w a white cap, to denote the blood and pain, nay anguish, of childbirth…that u r forced to undergo, post ritualized rape, over and over again, all under the guise of a holy patriarchal state! And they may beat u, maim u, hang u for trivial offenses that the state has deemed blasphemous treason, but which r only trivial in reality. They force u also to collectively hang the traitors yourselves, in order to incur God’s blessing, the mouthpiece called Aunt Lydia says.

U r no longer your own person. U r instead renamed as PROPERTY of your Commander. He who rapes u, on the days of your fertility, w his wife holding u down no less, by the arms, spread eagled on the bed, bent in half, between the wife’s legs. If u by chance conceive, that wife and Commander get your baby. 

U r nothing. U have no rights. U can merely follow the rules and the propaganda sayings. “Under His Eye; Blessed be the Fruit; May the Lord open.” That is to say open your legs to bear the fruit of ritualized rape, under the guise of religion it is, a perversion to the nth degree. And when u do give birth, it is without any painkillers whatsoever, just breathing and screams. And then they haul your baby away, and it is unlikely u will ever see her again, because she can go to the most senior of the ruling structure also. Unless u resist, and by so doing, ensure your own destruction, or maiming. Many women get their tongues cut out, because it is unnecessary to have the ability to talk, in order to be fertile and give birth. Or if u aid your fertile woman, then u might have a finger cut off or worse.

U do get to food shop on threadbare shelves, and always in pairs of the uniforms given. U do get medical care, but mostly the reproductive kind. That is all u r, a receptacle 4 sperm. A container, to allow the human race to go on, but under a system of totalitarianism, not much unlike what real women on Earth endure, say in Afghanistan, when the Taliban ruled…the women were no more than this. Just garbage cans to incubate sperm into babies. And to take abuse, have no rights, no education, no music even! 

Picture refugees who left their countries to face likely death on the journey, but felt they had no options, because to stay in place meant being blown up. And when they reach the USA, how much is becoming like Gilead, w our own consent, by the erosion of individual rights, the muddying of the Bill of Rights, the diminishment of our fellow citizens, by withholding their voting privilege, whenever possible, because that favors the party of the right…and the propaganda machine online, w foreign government influence, to trick u into voting right wing, not even considering centrist or left, because other adversaries want u to be a COG IN THEIR WORLD MACHINE. 

MORONS R EASILY INFLUENCED, AND MANIPULATED, WITHOUT SEEING THE SINISTER INTENT OF THEIR LEADERS. With all due respect to my fellow citizens, but u must open your eyes to see what this world is becoming, unless u don’t care, and the clock is running out of sand, inexorably. Ticktock….when the world takes action on climate change, it will already be too late. The window is already closing, like a rope around your neck, in Gilead. Which is after all, what we r in fact becoming…

When women have no rights, when Jews r vilified and hated worldwide, because of what they represent, instead of seeing the good in every single person, we r judge, jury and executioner of our own doom. And it’s happening. Right in front of us: extrapolate current events to 2050, and judge environmental catastrophe then. Glad I was born in way back 1964…I got to live in a Promised Land, at least some chunk of my life. Tomorrow’s girls will not be as lucky. I cite the Jews here not out of malice, but historical precedent, especially given World War II, and the Holocaust. The past will repeat itself when nationalism and even that old term fascism, re-arise (a creation of the far right extremism also). And that is happening also, as we write and speak. My words will outlive me, so I write. The hatred is extant, spreading through many civilizations, including our own, and the Jews r the canary in the coal mine. Sounding the alarms….wake up, and change the course of this travesty, w leadership and concern 4 your fellow man, and woman.

Be not Gilead! Margaret Atwood (The Handmaid’s Tale, 1985) is a prophet, the same way George Orwell was, w 1984 (in 1949). Literature changes the world, by shining a light on what could be, or what we choose to make of ourselves. As it is, we r being ground up into little pieces, as a society. And we choose not to see it even. It is becoming normalized, like a mass brainwashing. They r watching us, even now, and listening too, via connected homes, smart TV’s, u name it. They know all about u, and have monetized it even. Monopolies have lots of info about u, and r trading on it, 4 their own enrichment. Beware. U r not as far from your hellish dystopia as u think u r….rise up and invest in alternative energy, make those who r disenfranchised your leaders, once u give them a superior education to make them able to stand up. Only when u give more than u get r u virtuous and worthy of better.

The REAL Meaning of America

It’s not guns, divisiveness, racism, hatred, killing or environmental destruction by ambivalence. Nope, not even close.

Even though the nature of life on earth has its ugliness, we know light will overcome the darkness.

America is the Detroit Youth Choir rising up, Wounded Warrior Project, Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation giving back, as in vaccines to the needy, Ava Duvernay shining a light on injustice, Oprah Winfrey building schools, Ronald McDonald House & St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital, curing innocents for free with all expenses covered, because the will of the people is to do good for others. Make-a-Wish Foundation to grant children their fondest dream, when they can’t beat cancer or other terminal diseases. Habitat for Humanity, Terry Fator for veterans and 1st responders, George & Amal Clooney using fame for good, with criminal justice reform, generosity, dedicating your work to the better good of society.

Heroes: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, President & First Lady Barack & Michelle Obama, Diana Ross, Ellen DeGeneres, Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Jon Bon Jovi, Sylvester Stallone, Harrison Ford, Rosa Parks, Sandra Oh, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Daniel Pearl, all journalists everywhere risking their lives in the name of  the public knowledge to make an informed decision. Because the good will of the people will prevail! 

The Founding Fathers wrote a Constitution as a blueprint not only for us, but FOR THE WORLD. We owe the English a debt in the Magna Carta and the framework of a viable government. We owe the French a debt for fighting against both tyranny and fascism alongside us. We are loyal and do not abandon our allies. We revere and respect our friends because they have laid their lives down beside us, in common cause against formidable adversaries. THIS IS WHO WE ARE, no matter who sits in the White House presently. Divide and conquer is not the rule. Love and unite with empathy is.

The good you do for others radiates growth, abundance, blessings, changes incrementally towards equal justice, rainbows of love without rancor, tolerance, respect, opportunity, having a dream and the fundraising to make it happen. A mind is an opportunity to develop alternative clean energy, cure diseases, reverse permanent disabilities, shape a life.

Each child is a blank slate that you are drawing on. Every talent found, every platform raised up, every misfortune turned into a strength, to overcome adversity, to rise up. This is what America means to me, and I love her very much.

DEFEND YOUR FREEDOM & INDEPENDENCE OR IT MAY BE SNATCHED FROM YOU! BUT WE WILL OVERCOME EVEN THEN, BECAUSE THIS IS A DOGGED, FIGHTING PEOPLE! God has truly blessed America and I am proud to be born in the USA!

 

  • In memory of the true USA, born on July 4th, 1776, now 243 years old.

Aging in America

Ahhh, the indignities of middle to late middle age! We laughed uproariously at age 40 birthday party, when they presented us w inflatable walkers, hemorrhoid cream, hair dye to banish the gray hairs, memory pills, you get the idea! We were not yet in that time frame, so it was funny! And we danced for hours, after that, with not a care in the world!

Bah humbug! No Viagra, Cialis, blood pressure pills, penis inflators, round the abdomen accumulating fat, which is anatomically disposed to be the landing place for any extra calories over necessary consumption based on activity. Soon, you won’t even see the penis, as the fat accumulates! Arthritis, as who knew joints go kaplooey with too much kneeling, bending, lifting, walking, running, even working out, which was supposed to be good for you? Who can do that anymore?

Go ahead, but the key word is low impact workouts. Long distance slow and easy, biking, in whatever way you can, weight lifting, but little by little, as tolerated. Walking, then up hills, as you are able, with gradually increasing distances. No more getting down on those knees, which are not constructed to withstand that burgeoning gut and increased poundage. I know, not everyone, but increasingly the majority are in this class, especially women who are proportionately designed to store more fat than men do, anatomically.

Invest in adult diapers, for the stock market will be overflowing its banks on this! Baby Boomers are aging out, and there are so many of us! Many are living long long lives too, which is a mixed blessing, because while you do everything right, eating healthily, exercising, losing weight, you are still trapped by your genetics, which will betray you at some point. Even  model specimen who does everything right recently found an abnormal EKG rhythm! Warning of mortality, no matter what you do. Take your hints, your vitamins, supplements, your regimen, your greens, lean meats, vegan or vegetarian with appropriate protein sources replacement, it doesn’t matter…

Look at your family history. What happened to your parents is not exactly destiny for you, but it’s a heavy influence. Then factor in your lifestyle, satisfaction, high stress, how your job either values you appropriately or not, how your kids are doing, and are they prospering? All of it matters. Also factor in risk taking, education and awareness of risks, like predilection for mountain climbing, skydiving, jet skiing, hiking alone, you name it…Do you maintain your car as the prudent do? Do you assess weather every single time before  you go driving? Do you drink and drive, or do drugs and drive? Do you text while driving? What about the next person who doesn’t pay attention or care?

Pantiliners, then pads, coughing and sneezing, stress incontinence, anal sphincter not tight anymore?? Oh my. Hair dying every 2 months, shower stool and bath bar for support, because elders past had fallen in the shower, with catastrophic damage. Can’t climb stairs anymore, out of breath on the hills…permanent disability issues. A panoply of ills, and lungs are at age 80 already because of exposure to very serious airborne contaminants, out of your control because of poverty of the past, or exposure to Ground Zero contaminants, not publicly admitted, with flimsy dust masks good for nothing, and especially not for residents nearby, in a zone with carcinogens everywhere burning for months and human flesh absorbing same…

It’s later than you think, Boomers. Time to make up and fill that Bucket List with your wishes, and your ability to fulfill same…because the Hourglass is running out of sand. Like Judy Garland in the Castle under the Witch’s clutches, that’s us. But this is no movie, and we don’t have any trio of Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion to come get us. We just have the litany of the medical doctors telling us to quit smoking, lose weight, get therapy for mental illness, move, get a better job, drive less, walk more, as if any of these things were really in the realm of the doable…

We aren’t solo, most of us. We have to consider how our choices impact who we live with. If it’s a no go for them, many times that means it’s a no go for us too. Even if that means having to drive 70 miles each way to a job, or 100 miles or more. And weather impacts too, in the Age of Global Warming, increasingly severe storms, which may destroy your very home…and strand you on distant shores, because of flight cancellations. And that ever ticking I need to make more money…because that is security. Yeah, stress, beyond your control, because of tariffs levied on everything, even things you need, like food, water, medicine, rent, gasoline…and your salary doesn’t rise to compensate for that. Just suck it up. The 1% won’t be covering you (unlikely).

The American Dream is dying. Now if immigration would just figure that out, we wouldn’t have 15,000 arriving daily from other broken places, in search of something better….we don’t actually have it either. We did, but now not as much. Ask the millennials and the younger folks. What of rich America, every generation doing better than the last? That died too. Concentration of wealth in fewer and fewer hands will beget a 2nd American Revolution, because people lose hope and sustenance en masse. Democracy cannot stand on its ideals when the vast majority are denied the tools to get to at least the middle class, which is also dwindling. Look at the suicide rates too, of veterans and other people who are marginalized, and the incarceration rates as well, borne of desperation to earn a buck…

I count myself lucky, even with what is wrong with me, which is much. I lived in the times of profound change, and survived it well. And am inclined to help others as well, whatever way I can. I have a mission. And I can also blog all I want, which is good, because I have way too much to say. SHUT UP ALREADY, MARSHA! IT’S ENOUGH! 

BANG, ZOOM TO THE MOON, ALICE!!! – RALPH KRAMDEN, CHARACTER OF THE HONEYMOONERS, played by the late great Jackie Gleason.

Parenthood

The vast majority of people consider their being parents one of the big milestones of life, that their decision to have children is an integral part of who they are, and who they want to be.

But the interesting thing in this is that no one really knew what it was they were deciding, in getting pregnant, or in planting the seed. Of course a certain percentage did not even make such decision, they just found themselves on the route, say by inebriation, partying, youth games, libido being what it is in the teenagers, both then and now.

You might say that of course we knew what parenthood was, ahead of it: by babysitting, by observation of other people’s interactions w their own, at the park, at school, parties, etc. By looking backward to one’s own parents, with you, and your siblings. But the truth is it is a chiaroscuro look, to use an art term: like looking at it through a glass darkly.

Until you have been in it post delivery, taking tyke home, raising him or her, and getting through all those years of caregiving, which you willingly undertook, and then figuring the hard work was over, at age 22, or college graduation milestone, and tyke is now able to earn his or her own keep…well, the truth is your assumptions have been upended.

At no point did you anticipate all the peaks and valleys of this role. That your role does not end, ever. Even in the horrible case of a child dying, you will always find that they changed who you are, and who you will go on being, even without their presence. But the majority will not have this happen to them, fortunately. Did you know that the role included a major leap of faith, that your thoughts and expectations will not match up with the reality??

Did you know that while your children do reflect you somewhat, they are not a rubber stamp? They will be who they are and who they want to be, or who they may be limited to being, by virtue of disabilities, that you didn’t figure on. They will encompass both you and your chosen mate, by the environment you create together, as well as how your genetics stack up, together. The personality is at least 60% of your genetic traits, so choose wisely.

For those who have chosen the adoption route, that is a kind deed, but of course when the child grows up, with the given love, he or she will not reflect you exactly, because of the aforementioned link of personality with the genetic makeup. There will be significant differences. I have a cousin by adoption, whose father told me how horrified he was that a daughter he had, when grown, decided to bear 5 of her own children, with a mate, but that the money situation was going to be beyond her ability to care adequately for all of them. And then he added that he raised her to only take on what you can carry yourself, to not expect from the parents, to be a burden. But she went on her own road, and the father was bitterly disappointed in her decision, because he was not going to be Daddy Warbucks. Some of the children had special needs as well.

This father was certain that it played out this way because of personality differences and a sense of entitlement, despite teaching to the contrary. And 5 children makes it rough to go out and have your own career as well, and what of a family car or a need for a big house, or the endless laundry, keeping track of doctor’s appointments, meals, all of it, times 30 years, and longer…because it’s never ending. He thought that his adopting a child was going to be different than how it turned out.

But that is what I am getting at here, in this treatise. No one really knew what they were taking home in a car seat and a blanket swaddle. How it would turn out. Who would this little person become, beyond the squalling that is their communication of need?  I hope your adventure turned out well for at least most of you, but you made a very big life decision in becoming this parent. And you did so blindly, effectively. You had no real idea what the result would be, and by virtue of neglect, abuse and other societal ills that are still prevalent, the clay you shaped in this child could be a gift to the world, or a mass murderer. I am often fond of you get what you put in, and that karma rules, so do your best. The observations you made of others were merely a dress rehearsal for your own adventure, of little Jane or Henry, who is not you, but is partly so, and who will be your greatest work in this life.

The only thing you can do is to choose very well who is going to be your mate, in this enterprise, because there is no escape after the fertilization, and later birth. This child will reflect the other parent as well, at least somewhat. And to those who are only having a child in order to increase their status in the world, and to pat themselves on the back, taking others to raise those kids, with no concern for their welfare, well, do the world a favor, and recognize there are already too many narcissists out there, who beget chaos upon the world. Every child deserves two parents who are committed to him/her.

Those who abandoned the pregnant women, or who raped them, or committed incest, well, you can figure what I’d say to these miscreants: repent and do good, or the damage done will come back to you. And the penalty will be at least tenfold. Parents, teach your sons how to conduct themselves! And parents of girls, don’t put the entire burden on your daughters, which is unfair. They deserve their freedom too.

Picture Note: Me with my mom, and newborn baby Magnus, in San Francisco, CA. Child of a close friend.