Discombobulated Free Word Association

U have been warned already: this will have no rhyme nor reason, hereafter.

Penis fart bump toilet refrigerator hunger leap fascination prejudice quarrels breasts upthrust drooping gravity balls intense magnification baby bump goosebumps vomit cuisine gourmet pillows bed dresser desk art mirrors on ice pink on ceiling, champagne abnormal growths moles spies violence private investigators police tragedy chokeholds outlawed popular protests arson pallets of bricks businesses destroyed narcotics raids no pain relief for legitimate usage Narcan saves…illegal on site hospital drug treatment clinics because of controversy clean needles fentanyl in heroin mix young people die of mixed carfentanyl 4 horses, elephants, dogs, birds, eagles, hummingbirds, flamingos, cats mechanical do not shit or need care. Just a battery, like a vibrator, no talk back like a lover would. Wham bam thank u mam! No need to apologize. Unlimited pleasure. Keep energy sources handy 4 usage. Lonely planet in house all day every day because hi risk and in the danger age w pre existing conditions. Go to terrace and bird watch thru scaffolding w nets blocking the sunlight, but cooler at least because of this. Level 4 Do Not Travel State Dept advisory to US citizens, indefinite time. Envy of private pool owners w houses because trapped in concrete hot jungle w no Water Club even to open doors, even after Governor allows it! Balderdash! Nice jail w plenty of room for 1. Even outdoors inside allowed, spacing from next person more than adequate.

Wind storm Saudi dust sunsets w dust more beautiful but also deadly 4 those who have lung problems, like COVID or other. Floods and droughts both severe hurricanes, monsoons tornadoes in increasing number and severity cuts to government agencies due to non reimbursement on COVID no FEMA no free testing just cuts everywhere a thousand paper cuts until they get to your heart w a big chunk of filthy glass sticking out of your chest, wheeled into the ER w not enough docs or nurses or equipment because the cuts hit hard and it came just as the 2nd wave was crashing on shore when cuts were required because Washington said no. They looked at human life and business and $ won against humans. We r all a number. Dehumanization like in the Holocaust w numbers tattooed on body parts before extermination I am old enough to have seen them on living humans and Judaism prohibits tattoos as desecration but u r exempted if u r tattooed by Nazis because not your choice.

Masks of cloth bandannas N95 respirators too hot leave 4 health care workers but they need them as personal protective equipment even tho too hot and can have harmful effects upon skin and bodily oxygenation levels even still they serve 8-12 hrs per day and more because shifts run longer when u can’t get everything done and there aren’t enough workers even less come fall because of the 1000’s of cuts like paper knives slitting your skin daily Protesters against racial injustice spilling over because of G. Floyd, RIP, as symbol for despair and righteous indignation worldwide and so many others too Black police officers suing departments because of criminal quotas of blacks being rounded up all over America and thereby the Blue Wall of Silence to shut the fuck up! We owe u nothing, not even your salary or benefits because when u complain, u become the problem, even when u r right! Motherf—er! And when we take your salary and your benefits and your pension, what will u be? Just another statistic, either begging or borrowing or stealing…Jean Valjean stole to feed a starving family member and served 17 yrs hard labor 4 same. Justice in the grave! When u do not conform u r a rebel to be exterminated like cockroach squashed on floor Waterbugs mice rats rodents ferrets hamsters knees step stools lights buzzing hallucinations in dreams of men watching u from 6 inches of open shades that don’t reach the bottom of the sill and u sleep naked in cool sheets hoping 4 a glimpse of naked boobs or more ass up on a pillow spread open w 4 poster bed handcuffs w socks and slip knots quite the life I have had yup!

This is all my own free association mashup! Oh my. Even if never again a good run and movies galore of dreams shattered and won, now and then, standing on a mountaintop in Spain w camera or speed boating in Hawaii w a bay of snorkeling tropical fish dolphin kissing and riding volcanoes w lava pitch in blue Hawaiian helicopter overhead Black bears and eagles in the wilds of Alaska summer 3 person bicycle post Rijksmuseum Amsterdam laughing like a girl on fire w joy climbing the steps in the house Anne Frank hid in listening to history Cattle cars to concentration camps Washington DC Holocaust Museum burnt shoes shiny gold skin used as lamp shades Anti-Semitism rebound world over canary in coal mine Beware secret agendas of legitimate protest movements as their platform may be hidden but u r charged w knowing the truth.

And still there is one great last goal before it’s my time to shrivel up and die. But it needs to remain nameless as I submit to God’s will 1st, not my own desire. Yet this desire makes me want to live a bit longer, if only to see its beauty in the sky of purple and red, yellow, orange, crimson and ginger over the sea, gloriously beautiful it is…and wanted so very much.

RIP George Floyd, a Symbol of America

These r remarkable days in America these days, w every single day bringing fresh hell and condemnation, popular protests for change in the streets, especially young people not always wearing masks, shouting slogans for racial inequities to be abolished, as they should be. Statues being toppled daily, not only Columbus, a long time American hero w a day devoted on the calendar to celebrate him each October, who is revered as a symbol to Italian-Americans as a point of racial pride, not even school in session or mail delivery on that holiday. They r now taking down statues of Ulysses Grant, George Washington, proposed for Thomas Jefferson and others who have at their time and place owned slaves….And as Americans we revered them as Founding Fathers, at least some of them. Mobs of protesters r toppling statues in public squares, simply because of a movement sparked by the outrage of the killing of George Floyd on May 25, 2020, ┬áMemorial Day, in Minneapolis, by a racist killer policeman and 3 other police who stood by, not rendering aid, over 8 minutes and 46 seconds of a knee to Mr Floyd’s neck, while he begged “I Can’t Breathe.” It was beyond disgraceful and racist, and sparked worldwide protests, including in many cities in the USA as well. As well it should! High time to get out from under racist hatred and bigotry, to the point of killing a man, for what?! What was his offense? Allegedly using a counterfeit bill to purchase something. Since when does that merit a lynching, which this killing was? When u stand by and do not speak against an evil act, u r also complicit w said act, and should be severely punished as well. People in the surrounding crowd pleaded for his life even, to no avail, while it was being recorded so that all the world could later see.

Don’t tell me that Mr Floyd was a man of a criminal record before this incident, or that Derek Chauvin the former policeman, who is charged now w 2nd degree murder in this act of cruelty, that character assassination is a good thing. What ever happened to not speaking ill of the dead? Do we clam up on family and good citizens mostly when someone dies? So it should be w George Floyd. The facts of his life can be explored fairly in a court, when the case comes up. Nothing he did or was accused of prior to this ghastly death is proper to be judged by the whole world. Let him rest in peace and be a symbol for “Never Again!” I for one am outraged by this act, and no one taking up a way to stop the killer from committing it in such grisly fashion. The protests have to be a tool for change, because no one is safe at this point. When u denigrate one person’s life, u denigrate all persons’ lives, and we r guaranteed life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. If not, none of our rights really exist anymore.

I simply cannot stand for any more evil acts like this one, or not even triple checking no knock search warrants executed in the middle of the night, guns blazing, to kill an EMT paramedic 27 years old named Breonna Taylor, who DID NOTHING! NO CRIME, JUST SLEEPING, AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO TRIPLE CHECK THE ADDRESS AND OTHER PARTICULARS! Here we go again, racist hatred, because u r assumed to be guilty just by the sound of your name.

I too am a victim of prejudice and hatred, repeatedly throughout my life, for my religious background, my body type, my disability status, among other things. So when u attack my Black brothers and sisters, u also attack me, even tho my skin is white. My heart bleeds for those who r created in the image and likeness of God, to whom judgment shall not be rendered on color of skin, but instead on the acts and words of the individuals before Him. So remember Karma as well, for that which u put out on a brother’s neck may be your own skin w pressure on it, Crushed for all Eternity. I conduct myself as I know God is watching, as well as my neighbor, w a handy video camera taping. Be sure u can stand on the right side when your day comes!

Rant over. But I have other things to say, another day.


Memories of Aunt Marilyn

It has been the end of an era, in which me and my two first cousins plus one of the cousins’ wives r now alone at the top of the elders, in the family hierarchy, as we look back to the life of the last surviving mother/aunt, whose name was Marilyn Newman.

Marilyn was an aunt to me by virtue of having married my father’s brother, whom I called Uncle Bob. They had two sons, my only 1st cousins, Mark & Glenn. I look back over the many years and see much, focusing on Aunt Marilyn now, w her passing on May 31st, 2020, at the ripe old age of 93 years 9 months. She was raised as a Great Depression baby, w her parents and 2 elder sisters, Stella and Ruth. All of the sisters married and had children. I recall having a prized photo once upon a time, that Marilyn was surprised I had, of her w both of her sisters, which was sadly an increasing rarity. I immediately had a copy made of this pic, as I wanted her to have a nice memory.

My aunt had always been a positive presence 4 me: from her referral to a Manhattan orthodontist to cheering my Spelling Bee wins, to recommendations of becoming a public school teacher (which I did for many years) to advocacy of weight loss, as she was concerned 4 me. When I succeeded, again her cheers. She knew the real truth of my own parents and their rough marriage, plus its effect on me, their only child. She commiserated as I was always a sensitive soul. When life got rough, she was an advocate.

I loved her home made Swedish meatballs, summer BBQ’s and Thanksgivings annually in the house in West Orange, NJ, home of Glenn & Maria. We had celebrated all through the years, even some Passover seders, that I can recall in their house in Yonkers, NY. We gathered there when our common grandmother Frieda died, back in 1977, when I was a mere 13 years old. She was always there, a constant presence of solace 4 us.

When I had milestone birthdays, she took it upon herself to go jewelry shopping 4 me, as a very generous family gift, when those occasions occurred. I still treasure the gold earrings and necklace, and will always remember their provenance. She was kind. One year, by chance that the Newmans were getting their entire kitchen remodeled, I took it upon myself to do what I knew was possible: hosting Thanksgiving at my house! This is a favorite life memory 4 me still, and to this day is my screen saver, the pic of us 7, here in my home, on that day. I had two dear friends also come to Thanksgiving that year, in 2015: Marna & Johnny Garces. I cooked for 9 of us that year, and was proud to do so, despite a hurting back. Aunt Marilyn made the trip up to my home too, then, from Boynton Beach FL to West Orange NJ to Forest Hills, NY. That was a lot! I felt pride at her wonderment at seeing my home here for the first time. It was a first for all of them actually, in this home, my family.

While we also temper our memories w the ups and downs of modern life, all in all, it was a good one 4 my aunt, even tho her husband passed away at age 68, in 1990, 30 years before. She lived to see the birth and growth of her beloved two grandchildren Robert and Julianne, who arrived in 1997 and 1999, children of Glenn & Maria. She has been their last grandparent still alive, up till now. But they have good memories too.

She served as a secretary in the NYC public school system for many years. And she was a devoted wife, even moving to FL in order to benefit her husband’s health. Gradually they moved down there permanently rather than being snow birds.

I am just glad for her example overall and her kindness. May she RIP w the angels, as her mission is completed here in this realm. A long life befitting a great lady! It is good to go off to sleep after a long and fruitful life of love and service to others. And the social aspect of needing to interact w others, and the strictures of the life in the times of COVID-19, living in an assisted living facility w such restrictions, it was too much to bear, finally. Better to go to be w the others who have left this life before her. We will always miss her but we also understand it’s for the best overall.