Moulin Rouge!

20191027_182956Opened in Paris in October 1889, and still in operation today as a cabaret venue, with its Can Can Spectacular Spectacular! It’s made to be over the top, and still is. Even an elephant dressing room, a blue elephant!

Then Baz Luhrmann, an Australian filmmaker, decided to become its movie director, and the film was out in May 2001, in the USA, w big stars in the lead roles, Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman, star crossed lovers, because she has sold herself to a rich Duke, who keeps the cabaret afloat financially. He wants power 4 his $, and he gets that, and so much more. Satine, the lead chanteuse of the Moulin Rouge, who dances, strips, and lays her life down, and even her very safety forfeit, plus that of anyone in her love sphere as well…because the Duke, Your Grace, is an incubus incarnate, intent on having everything, every ounce of Satine…or else she will be disfigured by acid thrown in face and her lover exsanguinated by garrote! That means his throat cut ear to ear, in front of her! Such horror. He is an evil man, and Satine is owned by him, because she is a prostitute back then. Such were opportunities 4 women’s careers in 19th century France. Les Miserables indeed.

So she takes up her cross and dances and more 4 the Duke, hoping he doesn’t grow bored or worse, finds out he has been cuckolded by virtue of her true love w Christian, with whom she has a true love affair of the heart. She is forced to denounce Christian and break his heart, in order to save his life, from the merciless Duke.

And the backdrop is interwoven popular songs, in both the movie of 2001, and also the Broadway show, of 2019…but the songs differ, due to the time lag between productions. And they show u that love is suffering, and pain, as well as glory and the greatest thing u spend time on in this life! And circumstances, the backdrop, gets in the way, making true love impossible, yet again! Ugh. Only stolen furtive kisses, life risks, gossip mongers, spewing lies, and truths too, when they r lascivious, and others have 2 pay the price. And others face homelessness and starvation if the Moulin Rouge closes, through no fault of their own. Is that just? It all rides on these 3 people, and a mountainous debt that the club owner owes, that make it such that u r on a precipice, teetering. And the music plays on, and the dancers dance, and we sing, and other audience members object, because we really can’t sing….even tho we do, and the hell w them! It’s our show too, and we paid 4 our seats! Why can’t we enjoy it as we want 2??!!

And the maitre d’ comes to us post intermission, 2 tell us not to sing! Such nerve! That some patrons complained…and they r foreign tourists as well. Tell them 2 go back 2 their country, and stfu! (shut the fuck up!) ¬†Even tho we know we shouldn’t sing, we wanted 2….and we moved in time w the music of our lives, and we felt every lyric as if it had been written 4 us, the lonely hearts…who want other loves ourselves, but we can’t have them anymore. They have moved on 2 other loves, not us…alas. And so, Satine’s tragedy is ours too. Quickly snatched love bites, and then no more, left unsatisfied, because of the whole backdrop that does not permit true love to thrive. Satine is owned by the one who owns the whole Moulin Rouge, the Duke. And that is us too, waiting 4 the grave to consume us, b4 we get our life back. Our love is real and never fulfilled. Such an epitaph it is…

If I Could But Speak my Feelings…

20191027_181026In life u have to stfu, which is millennial speak 4 “shut the fuck up” because your words have power and cannot be recalled once uttered. Sure, u can apologize, but that’s not the same thing as shutting the hell up in the first place, when some things really shouldn’t be uttered. This is going to be one of those poems of love that should have stayed silent 4ever within. U have been warned.


If I had had the timing and feelings reciprocal at any point in a  relationship, this is what I would have said.

If u had been on my radar and me on yours, I’d have spent every available hour analyzing what u really want from life, and would have given it 2 u. I wanted our son and daughter like I want my next breath, because the world needs more like u. And we didn’t get that, because we were on alternate life paths. We’d have loved the hell out of those kids, and given our best to them, w love, good counsel and a good home filled w real love. They’d have seen a great example of who we r 2 each other. And had a good idea of what 2 look 4 in their own partners later.

I’d have given u the home of your dreams, instead of merely singing Elton John’s “Your Song” 2 u, w tears in both of our eyes. Instead of our separate lives in apartments because of big expensive New York making homeownership well nigh impossible. Well, a real house anyway, not just a co-op or condo. And I’d have given up my beautiful home as it exists, 2 get u closer 2 your job, because long commutes keep u away from me, 4 far too long. And I can’t bear the separation any longer than necessary.

I’d have asked what u wanted to achieve in this life, and taken up a plan to fulfill it. If u wanted to travel the world, I’d have gladly joined u. If u wanted to retire at an earlier age, I’d have invested such that that would become possible. If u wanted to learn and play piano, or cello, or any musical instrument, I’d have said, have at it! Or 2 indulge a hobby, like photography, I’d have given u the best equipment available, and we’d have taken it up on our African safari, or the fjords of Norway, or the peaks of the Himalayas…The world would have been my gift 2 u. And the pictures would remind us of our well spent lives, when we were too old 2 climb or dance anymore.

I’d have taken long times at studying your sexual desires, and finding ways to fulfill that too. Even the unusual, so long as harm is not part of the equation. Only pleasure, sweet languorous lovemaking, on our patio, way far from the madding crowd, in front of our in ground swimming pool, or in it. Anywhere u like, as long as consensual. I’d have worn u out b4 we got too old. Believe it. U would never know what I had in store, because I rehearsed, waiting 4 that day…It is beyond the norm, what I speak of here. Just use your imagination, rather than detailing it explicitly.

And we’d have a vacation home, filled w art that we love, a view, in a cooler locale, because that’s what we do 4 each other. We deserve everything in the world, because we r good at heart, because we see want in the world, and need, and we help those whom we do not know, because we who have been fortunate owe it to those who r less fortunate. The world is made better by giving freely. We keep in mind the example of Jesus, and as such, we r blessed. We pledge our wealth, 51% of it, post death, to a foundation that serves many charities, such that our gift goes on in perpetuity, like the Getty fortune did, years ago.

And we adopt children from impoverished countries also, such that our natural born children get a good example of what a rich person does w incredible good fortune. Not merely consuming, but making the world a better place, which began when I met u, and we were on the same page, making this all true, instead of words on an online page. I am a dreamer, who hasn’t given up, but as the days become weeks, months, years, and we have limited time on Earth, I settle 4 the words at least. That they r out there, and my feelings spoken, even if impossible.

I have loved u w all of my heart, 4ever and a day. And I accept our life paths, even if it was not what I truly wanted. This much I know is true. Wherever our destiny lies. Play a song 4 me when I go, as I deserved that too. And if u had someone u wanted to meet, I’d have bid on an OMAZE experience 2 get u 2 meet him/her, because I want all of your dreams 2 come true in this life…u can’t imagine what it feels like 2 love in such a way, like this….When Doves Cry, by Prince.