Red Hot Lava Desire

O Pleasure, where is thy sting? For thou art lovely and sought after, but cumbersome!

We crave it, incessantly; seek it in other forms easily purchased: tickets, chocolate, food, sex toys, hands, massage, beastly art, leather, catacombs filled with skeletons and dragons…writing phantasmagorical nightmares, a fiendish pleasure, whoops!

We seek mates, knowing at some point, the pleasure wears off in the mists of commonplace rituals…and then we go elsewhere in thought, in body, in bordellos, in any place that is unfamiliar, and therefore pleasurable again.

See a beautiful woman or a worked out 6 pack abs fireman, pose on the Las Vegas Strip,

take a pic, as if they are yours, but only for a price, a pic and a dream…but of course there are whorehouses for women’s desires too, though plainly fewer, due to social conditioning…lace, red roses, desire dripping, a cornucopia of flesh, everywhere, taking off clothes with our eyes, secretly…tutus with tulle, g strings, upthrusted breasts in beautiful lingerie, I can conjure up a thousand goodies for you with my words, but that’s not the object of our desire.

We WANT the real thing, and when we deliver, it will be like Mount Kilauea going wild, with the lava red hot, flowing, like vaginal juices, endlessly, with steam and beautiful red fire…flying over and in, sipping up and drowning in the saliva and juice that you know you want, in ever increasing quantity, with new bodies, new organs, new screams!

Be careful what you wish for. You may get burnt. Those of you with your legs tightened up by virtue of matrimony and social convention. You gave up your freedom for companionship. Hope it worked out to your liking. No goodies anymore for you.

Kavanaugh vs. Ford: SCOTUS

These times are a consternation! POTUS stands by his nominee to the SCOTUS, Brett Kavanaugh, even though public allegations have been brought by one Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, regarding drunken attempted rape when she was 15 and he 17 years old.

Another drunken friend, Mark Judge was in the room, at the time of the alleged incident. Mr. Judge is keeping mum about it, though he released a statement about forgetting from so long ago. Without his testimony, Ford will be up against Kavanaugh, a la he said, she said, where it is clear that the public backing of a man of supposed high morals and good examples in the years since will trump the lady’s allegations.

It is simply the bias of men vs women in the theater of politics, yet again. In 1991, Anita Hill brought sexual allegations against SCOTUS nominee Clarence Thomas, to no effect, because Thomas had the upper hand in the mind of the President, and a distinguished legal career backing him up. We who watched that testimony avidly then, remember the body language, the testimony of sexual details, the physical disgust…but when a woman goes against such august men, they do so at their own peril.

THE TRUTH DOES NOT MATTER!! It is a very perilous thing when all you need is a powerful man or men, of the male dominated Senate Judiciary Committee, of which 17 of 21 people sitting are male, and men protect their own, making snickering remarks behind closed doors, as if these allegations were nothing! Boys will be boys, because how the hell can you hold a man on such behavior, WHEN HE WAS DRUNK?? Any lawyer will say unreliable witness, now add on 36 years to the alleged incident…and silence from the only person in the room, as to what actually happened.

Historical note: When Barack Obama was POTUS, he nominated Judge Merrick Garland to the SCOTUS, but the Senate would not deliberate on this nominee, for political reasons, in order to prevent the President from having another judge on the High Court. There were several months to go before the POTUS was leaving office. BUT NOW, that same Senate is rushing to get Kavanaugh on the SCOTUS, even with this ominous cloud hanging over his head. SHUT UP! GET HIM IN! GIVE THE LADY ACCUSER A PODIUM TO HANG HERSELF ON, SO WE CAN CRUCIFY HER PUBLICLY, AHEAD OF THE VOTE!!

The POTUS wants to hear this lady’s testimony without distractions like an investigation by a supposedly impartial FBI, because he already knows how it will go. The bias is in favor of Kavanaugh, no matter what position this Dr. Blasey Ford holds now. And in the lead up to testimony, Dr. Ford gets death threats, against her and her own children! They must flee their own home! Yeah, the rule of law is in effect in these corrupt United States of America. Bias, prejudice, violence threats, he said, she said…Who wins in this equation of consequence of jurisprudence??

Not even one woman is safe in this country when this travesty is allowed to be perpetuated again. It’s a judicial gag in our collective mouths, the silencing and dismissal of Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, like Anita Hill before her. Kavanaugh denies the allegations categorically, but ask yourself this: If this were untrue, why would Dr. Ford submit to a lie detector test, and also endanger herself and her family for going against an admittedly powerful man? Is her account of what happened to be dismissed merely for its content or its timeliness? What would make it real? Does any woman’s opinion count in the end? I think that Kavanaugh is clearly a shoo in for the SCOTUS, like Clarence Thomas, who they couldn’t touch either, on the testimony of Anita Hill.

It is a disgrace. Youthful shenanigans it wasn’t. A crime it was. Delay the nomination! Due process is a right to all of us, in that vaunted Constitution that Judges are sworn to protect. Yeah, right.

While you’re at it, subpoena the only witness, Mark Judge. Only you won’t, because  that poisons the waters for the SCOTUS nominee. The decision has already been made, no matter what Dr. Ford says.

Success in Life

When you have a child with a spouse, under inauspicious circumstances, like trying to escape a very restrictive home environment, with neither freedom nor fun activity, but instead arguments constantly, disrespect between spouses, violence even, deteriorating further, ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS ESCAPE THAT PRISON! Now this is your backdrop for your own entrance into a marriage that was ill conceived from the get go. You only had this example to use also in your choice for a spouse.

One goal: have a child, or several. Make sure there is sufficient money coming in for the support of said child, and spouse. That is it. Your sole criterion. Escape dungeon of parents who do not listen to you as you wail about the injustice of only marriage for sexual expression, and no other outlet, ever. And then of course, in those days, only heterosexual marriage, to boot. What if you were gay? Nope, no outlet for that. It was 1963, and the sexual revolution was about the birth control pill, not other sexual activity. Women who slept with anyone other than a spouse were considered whores then. Men were given a free pass, however, by themselves. Double standard.

Jerry met Harriett on a double date. Both came into this arrangement with the aforementioned circumstances. Jerry didn’t know Harriett had a child already out of wedlock, given up for adoption 6 years before. Jerry was the closeted gay guy, all through his life, he kept it mum, but it reared its ugly head, to the detriment of that spouse and that eventual child. Never honest, never happy, never free, to express himself, he went berserk, in his 40’s, because you can’t fit a rectangle into a square. And they were really bad for each other, with life perspectives in conflict. Always violence, always disrespect, always that one girl watching, crying, absorbing the trauma, without any known recourse elsewhere. And these were her example for the future as well. What future??

I never had a chance at romantic success really. A wonder that I was able to be successful at several professions even: stockbroker, teacher, registered nurse, property manager, event coordinator, writer, travel photographer, name it. Yes, many hats worn. Even if I never sold a single stock to anyone, it still mattered later, when I was able to use the knowledge for myself, and to do better for people all around me as well. The success I have today is a reflection of all I did before, leading up to this point. So yes, success delayed, but real.

My father had only two criteria for success for me: that I support myself without any need from him or the family and that I marry and have children of my own. If I failed at these things, it was because I was set up from the beginning with very dire environment and bad genetics to boot. Being the only child of such a marriage, it was no chance from the beginning, to have such success. Bad coping mechanisms became the order of the day, and they became ingrained. It was clear I would need therapy to sort it out, but due to the inevitable divorce of my parents, and subsequent poverty that resulted from that, and my mom taking up with a drunk boyfriend, for 20 years, well, it went from bad to worse. Secrets and lies were the currency we dealt with there, trapped in irony and penury. There is a relationship between the life you get, and the life you grew up in.

I never had a chance. I was overly sensitive as well. Writing became a refuge. A way to deal publicly with trauma,  and hope it helps someone else see a different way. It became clear that dad was also a narcissist, in his narrow viewpoint of what my success was. Nothing I did was ever enough. Criticism all through, amplified by my growing body, not by pregnancy, but maladaptive coping by eating too much. Not enough happiness. Fat is proportional to how happy you are. But at least I finally understand as I wind down my years on Earth. I can give a life report to the elders who came before me, once on the Far Side, the other world.

I know that I did succeed in all the life ways that matter, not just those 2 criteria. I have decided to be the opposite of what my parents showed me, in terms of the bad things anyway. I do good for everyone around me and treat everyone fairly, the way I want to be treated. That is the true measure of success! AND I laugh often and revel in the joy of others too, not just myself. Can’t argue with that. I am fortunate. And the changed life is one I built as well, by business decisions I made, with my cousins. My education has been quite diverse, which was fortuitous. Everything was made use of, MBA and MA training, hard work, persistence, loyalty, prodigious amounts of love, not bottled up!


And the footnote: though not married, well, really a lot of romantic freedom, getting my freak on! That means not a lot of boredom, folks!