Forbidden Desire

Married he is, but his looks beckon me come hither. I can smell his desire

as he radiates pheromones and his eyes glint. Body language never lies; only lips do.

Awareness that the fruit is very sweet and dripping wet, ready to pounce.


The dance has begun and is eternal. He notes my choice of revealing swimwear.

Picture posing without bottoms, only a tankini. Penile tumescence involuntarily stirring…He pictures me naked in his mind’s eye, being pulled into the vortex

Of his powerful arms, running hands through my luxuriant hair,

Claiming me with a scintillating kiss and a caress of my ample buns.


But I desire him too. The flirtation has reached the fever pitch and I throw caution as if into hurricane force winds. I know it’s wrong, but the knowledge no longer stops me.

I SHALL HAVE HIM AND MARK HIS SOUL WITH MY MOUTH! For the oral fixation is dominant and he will not soon forget what I am about to do, as he has dreamt of this scene and woken up with wet sheets. Many times, or closed his eyes, imagining me there, hot and panting, nipples hard, poo poo soaked and all he has to do is insert a finger…as the involuntary writhing and screams mount loudly in intensity. 

Anything more and she is a feral cat possessed….


They have been circling each other a bit too long. Desire denied, suppressed for the sake of propriety, societal norms be damned! It has only built up a raging lava pit volcano.

Both he and she erupt gloriously!!!


And she knows it is wrong but is powerless to stop the flow of the river of magma that comes from both of them. This is going to be infinite intensity as you cannot stop a hurricane. Nor her perversity in putting this out there. She is flashing purple neon, guys…


But be advised she marks your soul with her mouth. It is very hard to deny the force of nature.


At War Within

Self imposed limitations by intense past childhood dysfunction in family

Dealt with by spiritual revelation, by calling, to another faith: accomplished by instructions in the Catholic religion, December 1985, aged 21 then.

Still very much incorporated into her being, with both gratitude and also anger.

Gratitude for multiple blessings, anger for intense solitude, sometimes more than she can bear. It’s called loneliness, and it is a risk factor for early death, when not dealt with effectively.

She deals by connection with some wonderful friends, and while that is healthful, and beneficial to all concerned, plus supplementation by social media, going out, meeting friends…making plans, doing good for humanity, praying, daily, going to local church…

Still suppression is a daily part of her life. She keeps silent, for the greater good, a truth which gnaws at her, in every waking hour, before bed nightly, and verbalizing each morning. She prays, and knows that that which is good for her will be provided by her

Loving God. But she is impatient, lonely, pursuing hobbies, doing good for friends and society, coordinating travel plans. And the silence is deafening. So loud it shatters calm tranquility in the lovely home she once shared with her mother, now going on 3 years passed.

How long must she wait, for this fruition of the spirit to meet the flesh?? The anger is suppressed too, only coming out infrequently, when she dares to voice it. The love of a lifetime waits and waits and waits…But her body and spirit wither in the interminable ecstasy of not having that which is so needed.

She may have to do things contrary to her spiritual calling, in answer to this anger. And realizes that the religion is not answering her needs now, and the God she fervently prays to does not provide the answer she seeks daily. Maybe it is not in His power? Maybe individual will trumps God’s will, and the results are legion in the many who suffer in this life. When we go against what the Lord wants for us, we risk punishment, suffering, as He wants only what is best for our spiritual development.

But the flesh is weak, and demanding. And she will go for whatever route is open to her, because the anger is very strong. As is the desire. She will have her own will, by some route yet to be seen. She cannot go on this way interminably.

Ruminating Dear Evan Hansen

High school senior autism spectrum with single mother, alone together

Connecting via social media, texting predominantly, avoiding being live with people.

Verbal, hyper speech, broken arm, cast, mom nurse’s aide, dad abandoned elsewhere

No concern or support from dad. Social ostracism at school, making fun, bullying.

Exercise from personal therapist: write yourself. But letter goes awry, with life altering consequences for another family.

Attempts to retrieve letter no good. Scheme to deal with aftermath, via advice and lies.


Girl in the letter oblique meaning, but a one sided crush. A hope. She is in the affected family. An opportunity to present himself to all of them, in solace. He succeeds wonderfully.

No need for therapy or mom too much nor prescription anymore. He found another option, with great possibility for the future, in different ways.

But mom clashes like a head on truck collision: pride. Obstruction. Evan has to confess how he lied all along, with dreadful repercussions all around.

A man with neurological damage healed, then devastated, upon conscience speaking via the dead man…Other family bears guilt too, for not being there, for their son Connor.

Zoe lovely in her reaching out in first love, but dealing with loss, and severe dysfunctional family, but with compassion. Brilliant.


Evan has reconciliation with his mom Heidi before end comes, and picks up the pieces of his life, forever changed by these events.

We the audience are similarly changed, via tears, comeuppances, karma and dealing with the work of our own dysfunctional families and pasts.

We are better for having seen Dear Evan Hansen: infinitely! Incredible work. Parents, go with your children; couples, find a way to not be the Murphys; single parents, put the best interest of your child first, without blocking opportunity.

Embrace those who are different: you may save a life!