Greed

Some family members who are close die, and then the fun starts.

Grieving loss, tears aplenty, needing help of all kinds

Slow healing, support from dear friends, who become your chosen family

Because now an orphan, and no husband, no children…

Only distant cousins and a half sister, all miles and miles away

Seen seldom. Attitude and gratefulness matter in those harsh days

Of loneliness and solitude. The feelings in the glare of loss

Intensify and crystallize in amber…remembered for the rest of time.

 

So the sole daughter of the clan, as to father’s offspring, and his side

Is later fortunate in terms of good lifestyle–

And the friends who have become family watch a transformation

In terms of mood, overcoming life, the burdens and losses

Sliding away, not forgotten, but instead incorporated into her soul.

Who she is today is an amalgam of life experience, harsh at times, and seemingly unendurable, but also a prism of light in the rainbow—

For those who have lost much, shall also gain much.

To whom much is given, much will be expected.

And so, she rededicates herself to giving to those who are worthy

And those who need help, sometimes urgently…

And sharing with the family she has chosen for herself: her dear friends!

Even while still searching for that elusive man who could be a husband to her

For she has so much love to give him, but alas, she watches, and waits

And hopes.

 

Even while the vipers out there are circling hungrily for what she now has

And also begrudge her that. Their attitude condemns them, for Greed is one of the seven deadly sins. Only the worthy get to sit at that table. By the Word of the Lord has this been spoken.

Give to others that which is good, and get it back.

Karma works for the evil as well. Greed and pride are to be parked outside the door.

I serve the Lord, and will, all the days of my Earthly life. So shall it be with those I hold dear. No matter my personal fate. THY WILL BE DONE!

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An Ode to Girlhood May 1998

IMG_3015Skipping across the cobblestones

Chalk on sidewalk hopscotch

Tripping unto skinned knees: bruised, crying

Double Dutch jump rope never mastered.

Pigtails, toll house cookies, milk,

Monopoly, Parcheesi;

Operation and Scrabble, fried chicken and

French fries, tie dyes,

Camp athletics, learning to swim, Life,

Candyland, Poker.

Watching Mom and Dad fight and yell

Thinking it was me who put them through hell.

Beatles music, crying, shielded from dying,

Roller skating abortions, Twister game contortions.

Falling, caterwauling, barrettes,make-up, play high heels,

Dollhouses, no fame, only fun and games.

Then school: first day howling separation from Mama

Sitting in the corner with proverbial dunce cap for putting a tack

On the teacher’s chair, like Marvin comic not growing up

Or learning the lesson, so a spanking for discipline–

Many times because I was willful and bad, spoiled,

Doted upon, thinking the world owed me everything

Then growing up, and discovering it wasn’t so.

 

The Bride That Hasn’t Been

Life of jewelry stores, David’s Bridal, florists, balloons, bouquets, printers for invitations,

Bakeries with tiered wedding cakes, models of bride & groom atop.

Invitations of others, personal changes, big spiritual reawakening,

Pilgrimages to Holy Sites all over world, heaping blessings showing the Lord’s favor,

Likely because of sacrifice.

 

Serving elders, now all gone. Parents, aunts, uncles. Later friends as family

Chosen because now an orphan, no offspring, health and strength partially compromised.

Aging, overweight, yet rich in blessing and still sacrificing.

Prayer leads me down the road not taken, which has made all the difference (Robert

Frost, 1916). The less traveled road is one of both sublime solitude and also

Unbearable loss.

 

For my heart holds a large secret which I keep because it serves the greater good of my community,

Even while it robs me of my life force, like an hourglass dripping sand, inexorably.

When I die, the secret will be revealed, for I am a writer.

 

My secret may break some hearts, but I am prepared to keep mum

Because there can be no interference with God’s will.

Thy will be done; for this, we pray…

 

For the love of a lifetime needs to be reciprocal

And my dreams reveal only one.

Several futures hinge on my never achieving the Bridehood…

 

Even though the windows shatter my soul daily

The windows of what can never be—

Me in a lace, pearl wedding gown gazing into the face of The One.

 

(A true epitaph, because I will die before I achieve union with my true love. It is doomed.)