Sobriety & Togetherness

Recently chatting with a good friend opened a window to my and indeed many people’s souls…

The connection between the psyche, predilections towards addictions, and the role of the people closest to us.

It also holds for mental illness; this need for attachment, love and support, the sense of belonging.

In the absence of a significant other/partner, or someone who is dependent upon you,

You are left with your lonesome self, to make a better you,

Except you may not be able to, in the absence of therapists, friends, love interests, people who MEAN

something to you viscerally. I find it totally ironic that the need for others may in fact determine

whether you make it out of the rabbit hole of your own mental quagmire, or succumb to the vicissitudes of

genetic propensity. The translation? You may go nuts if you are prone to do so by your genes AND your current crisis.

The key is to find the people who can pull you out of your Alice in Wonderland nightmare.

Therein lies the rub…if one has strong emotional ties with living people who care for you,

You may succeed in your quest for sanity and/or sobriety. But in the absence of that, you may find Alice’s big white rabbit

Chasing you down into quicksand. The key is love and connection. One can always hire a therapist, individually or in group

BUT one has to also build a life of people who are there for you and who care outside of the practice.

So you put out love, care and support in any way you can to those around you, to serve and protect.

And you hope your light shines through the darkness of your own life and that of others

For in giving to others, we receive, in many cases in multiples of what is given.

We need a purpose, but we also need love, and in the absence, life becomes not worth living anymore.

Open the door to love and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened–

Provided the door is not littered with bullet holes in a chained ghetto with dark halls, broken lights and drugs smoking

in the hallways bearing signs of “Clean Halls Program.”

In New York, that’s a sign for homes where you should tread very carefully, because high crime rates exist in those environs.

Beware, stranger…the night has teeth, especially if no one loves you.

And the pathology takes hold then: the drug or alcohol addiction, the compulsive smoking, over eating, gambling…over shopping, hoarding…all as a manifestation of ineffective coping


In memory of the 26 innocent children and teachers of Sandy Hook Elementary School, killed by Adam Lanza, who knew love not in this life.


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