As if I cannot bear either the twin menaces of our time now, whether the Pandemic Blues or the Climate Change fiasco playing out all over our beloved Mother Earth, instead I am on a quest to show that life is indeed worth living! Indeed, if u cannot find true love with someone mutually, at least u can revel in the true love of friendship, poignancy, familial love in the form of deep friendship w several close people. It has to be enough, because this is what is available to u.

But ahhh! This summer is making up for lost time, as we did travel, albeit much closer to home, last year, when the Pandemic was still new, and killing people by the thousands here across the USA. And we avoided planes, trains, any kind of mass transit, due to risk of contagion. Well, all that deprivation has swelled people’s desire for travel far and wide this year, and I am no exception to that.

This spring, beginning early May, I have traversed the following destinations, both in my car, and on a train, in March, and by planes. March began Washington DC; May Atlantic City, NJ; May Bar Harbor, Maine; June Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts; July Atlantic City, NJ 2nd time; then New Canaan, CT, South Salem, NY, Montauk, NY, plus the Hamptons; then Fishkill, Wappingers Falls, Poughkeepsie, NY; August Key West, FL, and yet to come, only days away, Aruba and Iceland, carrying into September as well. Still on the calendar: October in Seattle, Washington.

Both Aruba and Iceland have entered the State Department’s Do Not Travel list, and I am now in the 5th month since my last COVID vaccination was administered, on March 25th. So as of September 25th, I should get a booster shot. I am playing the game of caution, w regard to infection control, even tho I am deathly tired of living in this contagious soup, especially because it isn’t necessary, if people would only comply, for the greater good. Even when their very children r endangered, because no vaccine is available yet to those who r under age 12. It boggles the imagination that people would risk their children’s lives, in political gobbledygook such as refusal of vaccine is, in the vast majority of cases. Fear and ignorance, defiance and ineptitude. Some governors have even ordered no mask mandates whatsoever, in public schools, and anyone who countermands the order will not be paid their salary! And again, this is happening in a twist on totalitarianism, where u must submit to laws that r enacted on a partisan basis, or else starve! Yeah, most people get by on their salaries, right? So no money, no food. And evictions have begun again too.

America the Great! America the Beautiful! America the Dead. Well, if I die, at least I go out w a bang! I crossed off another item on my Bucket List: met beautiful Rhett & Scarlett, close up, flamingos! At the Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory, which was just magical. I floated thru the aisles of plants, trees, flowers, the beauty of this place! Observing rainbow finches, turacos, quails, many butterflies, one of them landing on and staying on my friend’s back…and I was enchanted and in love w them, and their adorable honking. They can touch u, but not u them. They rule the roost, Rhett & Scarlett do! No hatchlings tho from them, even tho mated in captivity, and they r 9 yrs old now. It says they may live up to 50 yrs in captivity, but they need to be exposed to rain in order for them to reproduce. In the Conservatory, they r not exposed to rain. But they do enjoy interacting w the humans during “the Flamingle.” They can get on u, your hat, your shoes, even perhaps poop on u! But we r cautioned 1st about that, and told what to do to avoid that happening. None of us got pooped on on August 5th.

I am happy being again more often w my dear friends’ posse this summer, and so have little time to write on this blog. My travels r so frequent that there is nary a day I can meet my responsibilities and also write this, tho I do miss doing that. The Martha’s Vineyard trip was 9 of us! In a big luxurious house in tony Edgartown. I have actually NEVER rented a house before, except for a summer session in college as an undergraduate. We also took concierge services from an agency, hiring an in home chef for 3 dinners that week, chartering our own Captain on a sailboat, sunset sail, although I was disturbed by no bathroom access on the boat…not a good thing as we were out of the house for 3 hrs, w difficulties finding the Captain on his dinghy, to get us to the Sea Witch boat, 4 and 5 at a time. It was an adventure!

I am fortunate in this life, being unusual, having neither spouse, nor children, nor responsibilities for other elders, all gone now. I see the careworn looks on some of the people who have had such responsibilities, and at least I look younger than my actual years. I get more sleep and less aggravation now. And I like sharing the bounty too! God bless us all, as we journey hither and yon, checking off Bucket List items as we go. I love u all, my friends! And we will try to make it a good life 4 all of us, w changes and doing good 4 others, which revitalizes our collective spirit.

And I got to see the Hemingway House in Key West too, and need to order “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” I like the ominous title, as Ernest suffered his way thru life too, and left behind a rich legacy of writing and even films made of his works, that we might be warned and entertained thus. He had a remarkable home, which was constructed and done by 1851, which looked quaint and well preserved, it being now 2021, some 170 yrs later. He lived from 1899-1961. I need to learn more than I have so far, regarding his works.

Is Sex a Need?

So I was ruminating on the eternal recently, and was stumped on a particularly funny aspect of Abraham Maslow’s famous psychological writing of a Hierarchy of Needs. His pyramid put the Physiological Needs at the bottom of the pyramid, its base, onto which all other needs r subordinate. When I was a college student, much younger, I laughed myself silly that only a man could equate the need for food, water and oxygen w the need 4 sex! Such balderdash to my younger self! Clearly u have time limits on to which death will occur in the absence of oxygen (the shortest interval), water and then food. But sex?! One could go years on end without having any sexual activity whatsoever…

Or so I thought, back then. Now that I am older and wiser, w a lesser need 4 physical sex, due to changes in my endocrine system, I am considering that sex is indeed a physiological need, and that Maslow was right! Maybe not so immediately needful, as in food or oxygen, no, but in that realm of things one MUST have. And why must we have it? Well, a life without a permanent partner is by definition lonely. That is not to say that even partnered individuals r not lonely, but a person who is alone, truly alone, much of the days of their lives, w only occasional get togethers w friends or family is of course more alone than most of us r.

And when u r lonely or more serendipitously engaged in pursuits that r best accomplished solo, thereby u r engaged in solitude, which is a wholly different connotation than the aforementioned loneliness. Solitude implies that u r alone by choice, in order to accomplish some goal. It is a good thing to have, solitude then, because u r engaged in something that gives u pleasure, or accomplishes a major life goal, like for example studying for an advanced degree. Many study pursuits r done solo, even tho there r some tasks best laid out in study groups. But back to sex, as a need.

When u do go an extended period of time alone, u start to crystallize what things in life r truly important, which r needs, and which r wants. So sex as a physical need can of course be fulfilled by most persons in the guise of masturbation, that is to let off the steam build up inherent in having an active libido. But of course some people have been raised in such a manner to think that masturbation is a sin, or dirty. To be avoided. Many religions have some prohibition against it even. So maybe masturbation is NOT an answer 4 those people, so indoctrinated. I am fond of saying that if a man has a struggle between God and religion and his penis, the penis will usually win. I’d peg it at 85% odds in favor 4 the penis winning the war, and getting its objective.

And then, knowing that God created Man and Woman w the innate sex drive, He allowed and consecrated as Holy Marriage, that sole remedy that is allowed under the heading of God and Religion. In my faith, that is the Roman Catholic Church, Holy Marriage is a sacrament, to be highly respected and revered, and unbroken in all but the serious cases that allow for Annulment. And has been such revered for thousands of years by even early humans. And so, u have but two options in this life: either this wholly heterosexual marriage 4 life w one partner, or to be virginal, without stain, until death arrives. We know the prohibitions as if they r written on the Tablets of the 10 Commandments. Even tho the writing there is but brief. And of course, there r other options too: to deny oneself the comfort of a mate, to undergo Holy Orders, which is to be a priest, but only if u r a man, w the specified organs commensurate w the designation. If u be but a woman, u may choose to abjure yourself also, as a nun, but that is falling out of favor these days, only to be a worker 4 no pay, and to have only other women in a cloister 4 company, for life. Sounds like a self imposed jail to many, and very very few women choose such a path.

So your choices r few, if u want to remain in good standing, under your religious background. It is the same for many other religions as well, tho there r variations as to what u must give up in order to remain in good standing. Does religion go against a physiological need that we all have then? R we constrained to be virgins until marriage, and then wholly faithful to that one partner who is one’s wife or husband, for life? Yes, that is what is required, to be in good standing. And what of the needs as they evolve, from first blush of marriage, wedding night, to the long years of child rearing, work, toil and limitations imposed by finances, as to how many children one family can afford to have? Over time, the desire and the ability to have sex wanes. Either in one or both partners. And when the partners are not in sync, what then? Back to masturbation and confession, serial confessor admission? Is that enough?

We live in the United States of America, a country which is pluralistic, claims freedom 4 all religions, but we have a curious dichotomy here of Puritanism (a kind of slavish tyrannical set of practices that limit permissible expressions of sexuality, or of breastfeeding as another example) and also the love of sex, a kind of Kama Sutra of the TV, movies and songs culture of America. We r 4ever in this argument between the two, which r diametrically opposed to each other! Which is it! Do we comply w religious dictates, confess over and over again the same sins, or do we go hog wild w unfettered sex, even polyamorous sex?! As in orgy sex, or Plato’s Retreat, a sex club in the 1980’s, now long closed. Do we have a right to our sinful natures, as it relates to sex? That we do not conform to the very narrow dictates of monogamous marriage?

And what of the women, yes, mostly women, who lose out, who never marry, or have children, who age gracefully alone, unloved and only pitied, for having lost the small window of opportunity to catch a big fish? What of us who cry in the night, for a man who captured our heart long ago, and far away, who has no chance in a frozen hell of coming to warm her bed? Is sex a need? Yes, it is. And the absence of it leads to a maelstrom of a kind of tornado, to whip her away from this lonely life. Adieu, my dear friends. I have loved u much, but not in the sexual meaning of that word.

One last rumination: unfulfilled love and sex may lead to emotional eating, perhaps at times uncontrollably, in substitution for that which must be had, and cannot be. It is ineffective coping, but many will understand this sentiment. And cry.

Upcoming Mother’s Day 2021

For those of u who have been really following my blog, u might know that I am an aging orphan, aging out alone.

That opening is really somber and casts a shadow on this particular writing already. Probably upon reading it, u decided it’s not something u want to read even. Because when u r depressed, or “Debbie Downer” on your communication, people eschew u like The Plague. No one wants to be brought down by others. We all have our own crap to deal w, as it is. I understand. So if u cannot stand more misery, go ahead, skip this blog entry. Go back to your own life and put it out of your mind. Find some pleasure in food, drink, movies, exercise, a walk in the sunshine, travel, anything really, even going out to the mall. They need your business, really badly.

I find myself particularly pensive and sad this April 18th, which is just 3 weeks prior to this year’s Mother’s Day in the USA, which is May 9th this year. My birthday is always near and occasionally on Mother’s Day. We move further in time from the event of my beloved Mother’s death, which was October 31st, 2014. My last birthday w her alive was my historic 50th, and I hold on to that memory, like it is a strong rope holding me from the cliff I am falling from. I did so love that birthday celebration!! We did a full event at a catering hall in Queens, NY, and had a respectable number of family and friends attend even. I even had my relationship w my only sister then, well my only blood sister. Since then, we have become estranged. And so, she is effectively gone from my life as well.

My reality is quite horrible daily. I feel trapped in it, even tho I struggle to maintain, go on, chat w people, go for walks, do errands, enjoy movies, food being a solace, and make plans to get out. But my loneliness is a risk factor 4 death and disability, even more than I currently have. It impacts on longevity too, and is an independent risk factor for the unexpected happening, like a medical event, where u really need someone near u in order to make it out alive. Have u ever seen someone choking on food, and cannot breathe? Being alone at home, this is death, so u need to be mindful of that. There is some email u get as to how to push against the table or some fixed object to do a self Heimlich Maneuver, but really u have only seconds to accomplish that before u lose consciousness.

This is the reality of aging alone, w a family history of neurological illness, that predisposes to dysphagia, which is a swallowing disorder, which makes it more likely u will in fact choke. I do not yet have any neurological disorder diagnosis. When I do, I will need a home health aide to be here at least the bulk of every day. I have a spare bedroom in case. My friends mostly all still work, because they need to. I do have 2 current girlfriends who receive Social Security Disability, as I do. So we r all retired as a result. We all have legitimate reasons for our designations.

And on top of all this, I have some amorphous plans to see my close girlfriends, and am hoping that they bite soon, as to when they will get together w me, in May, even if not on my actual birthday. I also hope to see some of my dear boyfriends, who r not “boyfriends,” as in not romantic, but instead male friends. I hope to hear from a dear cousin too, as we have a potential get together on a trip to Maine, but his silence makes me think it won’t happen. Oh well, I can and will go alone: that is my go to position on trips, even tho I am an extrovert, and appreciate having company. I have to lower my expectations in life now, as I am chronologically only entering age 57, but feel like an old lady of 20 yrs older. I do however fight! I may go to the NY Botanical Garden late this coming week, just because nature helps my mood. Even tho it implies a lot of walking in the park. I need good weather in order to accomplish it tho. Susceptibility to illness is also a concern.

And on top of all the life losses, the hardest one is knowing that I would have been a great mother! I put always other people’s concerns 1st, looking at situations from the other person’s angle, and act accordingly. I was once found a good candidate to adopt a special needs child, when my family was still alive, specifically looking for a kid in foster care, maybe advanced ages, to get out of that pickle. But no child that was appropriate ever materialized at the time we were accepted. And then, I entered into the fray again, post my mom’s passing, which was a watershed life moment 4 me. But then, being in active grieving, I was rejected at that time. And there were other issues, in that being so isolated, there was no friend I had who could be a substitute guardian in case I died, so that’s unfair to any prospective child, to be at risk too, to enter into foster care, in case I died. I wouldn’t do that to any child, especially one who had already been traumatized previously. So my search ended.

I would never be a mother in this life. My own mother and grandmothers of course were all dead. Frieda died when I was 13 and Esther when I was 31. I would have taken a path of better dealings w my theoretical child, because I do that in everything I do. I build on learning and therapy I have received. And so, I also remind myself that w the considerable caregiving I have done all my life, having a child too may have actually been too much. My brain says it is likely to have caused an emotional explosion, but my heart is heavy as we approach May again, neither a mom, nor even a birthday girl w an actual date of meeting my now de facto family, my close friends. At least I have that tho. I will keep surviving, because God is not done w me. I still have roles to fulfill.


The pandemic has infiltrated our dreams as well as our daily waking lives. When u r under an umbrella, all encompassing stressor, that may even destroy u, whether by death or permanent disability, i.e. “long COVID,” which has a constellation of symptoms…well, u can’t escape the fact that this existential threat has to be put into perspective, in some way, or else it’ll harm u in ways u can’t imagine. No one can be in a constant state of “fight or flight,” as in adrenal gland pumping out stress hormones like cortisol. U will go into massive inflammatory response internally, and that isn’t any good 4 u. U have to reach some internal accommodation w your stressors, also known as homeostasis. I do have a scientific background, as u can see, w this vocabulary and explanation. And that makes me proud of who I am, that my background is rich in language and culture, science, tech, volunteerism, skills like photography, writing, arts like cooking, so many things! But enough now about me. I am saying so just so u don’t look at me as a life failure, because the culture that I am part of ascribes enormous significance to your physical appearance. I AM SO MUCH MORE THAN MY BODY APPEARANCE!! And so r u, as well. And conversely, my profession is not the totality of who I am either. My tendrils of a beautiful tapestry weave into many lives, over the decades I am alive, and will even do so possibly post my live existence, because of this blog and other writings I have made. I reach into the future even. I hope my story will be helpful to others, via the eternal internet.

But back to dreams. Your subconscious mind tries to make sense of this change in life circumstances, in order to deal better w it. People have found escape in dreams, whether they be sexual, as in discharging anxiety thru physical orgasm, a preferred method of dealing w a lack of a real partner, or even in place of someone u r with in life, who isn’t cutting it 4 u exclusively, or the ordinary symbolic dreams w need for interpretation of how it all fits together. Many people have also suffered nightmares that intensify their anxiety even, re the pandemic, or other stressors. We r tired by now, well, good and tired, as we have entered the 2nd year of the Pandemic Blues. This means some r just flouting the CDC public guidelines, by burning masks, avoidance of usage, not socially distancing, screaming out on social media how it is all bunk…and no more compliance! And also r delaying and obfuscating the need to get the vaccine, w excuses, concerns, anecdotal reports of bad bad side effects post vaccine, worries of the long term safety of same….any excuse will do. Stay in, day in, day out, go out only for necessities, do not see anyone anymore, either as friends, or for business reasons, even maintenance deferred. No one is safe! I know of shut ins like this, here in NYC. They break my heart.

Will u be able to resume normal life even eventually when significant numbers of people refuse to get the available vaccines?? Will we ever achieve herd immunity when so many millions just REFUSE?? IT IS TRULY A DYSTOPIAN NIGHTMARE. Can u live in a society where the disease continues at a broad clip to consume lives, w many millions more who have brain fog, tiredness, nausea and vomiting, joint aches, movement troubles, a constellation of mental illness, dementia, stroke, heart disease, it goes on and on…blood clots. Pick your poison. Some proportion of those afflicted w long COVID will be unable to work again, ever, permanently disabled. And your insomnia will also ramp up, as u cannot relax anymore in your isolation, your veritable oblivion. How long can u sustain that?? Well, as 4 me, I urge literally EVERYONE to get their vaccine(s), when that is possible 4 them. Not only 4 u, but 4 your broader community. Your dreams and sleep depend on it too, to reduce your inner stress.

I urge sexual dreams to everyone, to release your pent up miseries. There’s really nothing so good as an orgasm, to make u want 2 live! And use your chocolate sparingly, w it, or in waking time. Get pleasure, while u can. Your very life may depend on it, especially now. When your husband dreams of sex, it isn’t his fault, even if he dreams of another person. We r complex beings w strong appetites after all, and u can’t hold him responsible 4 his subconscious desires. I personally do not believe that any man can be exclusively solo w his partner 4ever in this way; it’s contrary to nature. He will see others and want them; it’s just a fact. Be glad that he inhibits his desire, in deference 2 u, and your marriage. That has to be enough, ladies. They aren’t wired as we r, after all. The mere thought of sexuality w another person is just something u have 2 tolerate. Enjoy, my friends! And pleasant dreams.

I will close w another form of media mention, even tho I lack the copyright to said song: “Dreams” is a magnificent song by the group Fleetwood Mac, w Stevie Nicks singing lead on that one. Love it! And it went platinum again not long ago, because a guy on a skateboard was drinking Ocean Spray cranberry juice straight from a 2 quart container, singing happily w this song in the background! And he made a fortune from that video too! Booya! That was also pleasurable to this hedonistic woman, who dreams lustily often. Such a waste to lose such a resource to the world, guys. Some folks can never get enough. Even in an arid desert of desire.

Easter Tidings

This Easter Sunday finds me very contemplative, and I am uncertain that this is a good thing. I contemplate and ponder my existence often as it is, so why do holidays seem like a particular curse to me, even while I am outwardly happy for the Resurrection of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, for those of u who r Christian also. And also, that the Orthodox Church of Greece and Russia celebrates their Easter this year on May 2nd. Don’t get me wrong: I am supremely grateful for the Resurrection, and the hope that that represents, and to which I am eminently unworthy of Jesus’ supreme sacrifice in giving up His will to bow to the Father, in accepting Death, even death on a cross! I come at Easter w a sublime inward knowing that my experience is apart from others, who most likely were born into Christian homes, and baptized as babies.

Not so me. I was born to 2 Jewish parents who were not particularly into their own religion, and did not send me to Hebrew school nor to be bas mitzvah’ed at age 13, normally. Instead, I found my own household lack of faith disturbing, and set out in search of more, of a reasoned choice, in my teens. It was a way to cope w major burdens in the house also, which included violence between my parents, a drunk boyfriend who was abusive to me and my mother both, over 30 yrs of that! And so faith was an avenue of escape, a refuge 4 me. I converted to Roman Catholicism formally at age 21, on December 14, 1985, while I was at the end of my studies at SUNY Buffalo. So this is now in my 35th year of being a Christian formally. I was both baptized and confirmed a Catholic on that day. Tho my father was not particularly faithful in any material respect to his religion, he still regarded my defection as a betrayal, and so I was possibly, even likely facing being disowned at that point. He had made his displeasure known, loudly. So I was afraid, but I called his bluff. He would disown and thereby give up his only child, for the conversion?

Well, ultimately, he didn’t. It may have however been one more wedge between us, going forward. I explained that it was no repudiation of Judaism to have been baptized into the Catholic faith, that the two were linked, and a fulfillment of what many have seen as a graduation, that the 1st monotheistic religion gave birth to another, one that saw that Jesus Christ died for us, and I acknowledged that truth. I saw that Jesus had personally died, horrifically, 4 me! Even when I was still a sinner! So I do have joy at Easter, BUT why does my own cross have to weigh so heavily too? I speak of the promise that my church offers, for fulfillment, for love, for family, for salvation, for so much that is good. And when I was 21, the whole world seemed like an open book to me, to develop myself, to professional development, to engage in love, hopefully marriage, hopefully children, and my own family was still largely alive at that point. Not so now.

At my soon to be age 57, I am far down in my hopes for the future, and lots of waters under many bridges. My entire close family has perished, but for a few cousins, who r seen not often, due to distance, and also the pandemic causing us to be apart as well. I count the anniversaries of my dead ancestors, and there r no births to crow about, except the ones of dear friends, who r a few of them grandparents now. When my friends have wedding anniversaries, I feel particularly disenchanted, because I deserved my own mate, and got none. No, it isn’t true that no one wanted me! I had a list of six men actually who would have married me, quite willingly, actually, but I found them all unacceptable to me, for good reasons. I listed these men on a paper in order to make myself feel better even. So I am alone, utterly alone, and holidays intensify this feeling.

I put on my brave face w greetings to my friends and family on Facebook, texting same, using BitMoji as an avatar. I do things that r special, like whipping up Cinnamon Bun pancakes even, and am in search of leg of lamb as an entree, to take out from a diner, but not a single one has it! Outrage! Only lamb chops r an option then, as a take out option from a restaurant…and I keep Jesus in mind, giving thanks, and also wondering why my fate was so bitter, to be so alone at this later stage of life, aging and w health issues, and all of my dear friends actually have children and grandchildren (well, some of them, anyway), and siblings, some of them even their elderly parents…while faithful Marsha is forgotten, among the many. So very alone, and I see Jesus in his shroud in the Holy Sepulchre.

But I too have to carry my Cross. And this day shall pass too. God bless u all, my dear readers. I needed more than this, today. But writing it down and emptying it from my soul is a purging, so that makes it better. Maybe one day I won’t be as alone as today I feel.

Complications of Sexuality

So have u ever knowingly kissed someone who has a history of cold sores, a/k/a herpes simplex virus? Probably u have kissed someone w it, but didn’t know, as they were not forthcoming about it, before kissing u intimately. And then once u knew, did u feel betrayed, because the virus lives inside your body’s mucus membranes for the rest of your life? U can have it only on your lips, of the mouth that is, inside the mouth cheeks, and also down below, where women have labia as well, and the penis, anus, etc. So it’s a sexually transmitted disease, if it’s down there, and it’s easy to transmit from mouth to below as well, as u might imagine. And it has outbreaks w high stress, other systemic diseases that attack the immune system, and u can cause your children to catch it easily as well. Either in utero, or outside, when your parents aren’t very cautious about using towels, glasses, tableware, u name it…easily transmissible. So would u avoid being involved w a person who had even as little as the oral cold sores then, and not below? Remember it’s the rest of your life, and u need to be very very on alert to not transmit it. When a parent had not been very careful and passed it on to her son or daughter, well, it’s not your fault, but then u have it, and may never find someone who will take the chance w you. Unfair life.

And then there’s the Pandemic Blues, which is my latest name 4 this ongoing phenomenon. Even tho increasing numbers of people r getting the vaccines daily, giving hope, but same time, in the USA, 4th wave of variant cases of COVID-19. And we r in 2021 now. When u live in the Pandemic Blues, well, give up on sex too, unless u play Russian Roulette, or have a faithful partner (lucky u!) Lots of people r still asymptomatic, or pre-symptomatic, as in not showing any outward symptoms of illness. No fever, no cough, no nada. Just going about your life, wearing your mask or two, a shield for your face, social distancing at least 6 feet from those u don’t know, self-protecting. So no kisses r safe, no hugs r safe, no anything closer than that is safe….so yeah, no sex, unless u r in a monogamous relationship, really strictly, and both of u r being careful 100% of the time. As to exposure. Washing hands 20 times a day, carrying hand sanitizer, spritzing it liberally…and no more touch or even physical affection. Not safe. Imagine French kissing someone who u just met, or who u were only flirting with online…that can be it, transmission, and then find out if the vaccine saved u or not….after u get the disease.

And then there’s good old, well not so good Human papilloma virus too, the most common sexually transmitted disease. We have concocted a vaccine for the youngsters, w target ages of 11-12 yrs old to receive two vaccine shots, in order to prevent the most common strains of this virus, and u can also get it if u r up to age 26 preferred, w an upper limit of age 45 for those who want it, then 3 vaccine shots for those people. All over 45, u r out of the loop on this protection. And little kids r also not getting it, as it’s not necessary, being that sexuality is only a question for most in the adolescent years, so getting it at age 11 or 12 is better, where only 2 shots r necessary. But for those of us who r older, we r what we in the Bronx call “shit outta luck.” AND the routine testing of males is not done either, as men pass the disease on to females, so the women get tested when they go to the gynecologist, to see if they have it. So if a man has it, he usually doesn’t know, and can easily pass it sexually to a woman. And most people get the disease too, as we often in this society do not marry as virgins. Now some persons will fight it off over several years, and have it no more, via our own immune systems. But at least some will be less lucky, w several prevalent strains, that will later on in life cause latent major infections AND cancer too: cervical very common, also head and neck cancers, back of the tongue…picture hysterectomy, body wide metastasis/spread, and the head and neck can disfigure u. But even if u refuse such surgery, then your prognosis varies, as to how far it has spread. But again, when a person has confirmed HPV + cancer, then all partners of that person r at risk as well. Keep multiplying. How many lovers have u had that u r no longer in touch with?? So there’s no contact tracing then. Have u ever had sex w someone whose full name u didn’t even know?? Address back then is not now anyway…

Picture horny teenagers having an orgy on their high school senior trip! I know of such happening, even tho not a participant. So there were about 40 people in a large room, in various acts of sexual congress, let us say, in the year 1981, when AIDS was first breaking out, unnamed at that time. And some of those people were engaged in gay sex in that room too. Any contact tracing back then? What?! HPV also existed; so did herpes, but not so COVID. Caught a break then. But surely enough contagion and risk, and very high libidos won that fight. What’s going on now? I know Plato’s Retreat went out of business, and sex rooms at Turkish baths in the area known as Greenwich Village, and cushioned private rooms at discotheques, long gone, but yes, alcohol and memories, and sex, glorious sex….so the karma is coming 4 us now, as we age, and the carefree sex is long gone.

U have your one and only lover, probably your mate, or u have danger and a ticking clock on fertility, and no safe access to anyone. Yup, karma is a bitch on this one. R people still having such sex, even w the risks? Bet on it. The urge is one of the highest ones in humankind. Perpetuate the species, folks. But here’s another nugget 4 ya: the scientists have determined that due to persistent types of pollution, men’s penises have grown smaller. Yes, it’s true! We have reduced our species’ fertility permanently thus. Maybe we will build another type of Washington Monument to compensate.

Harry & Meghan; Inequality

In these United States of America, the only way we exist as a nation is by virtue of pursuing wealth by merit and hard work, not by virtue of inheritance! This is the fundamental difference between us and the United Kingdom, that unwillingness to support a monarchy that got to where it is by virtue of accident of birth. So when u r born to a system where your birth is heralded all over the world, and your name announced on world media, and your home is Buckingham Palace, or any of dozens of other mansions, around the UK, well, u live in a fish bowl then, an instant celebrity, w the tabloid media watching all along your growing up, and your space in line as to inheritance to The Throne, it is all delineated. And never, but never speak of the eventuality of death, of The Monarch. That’s verboten. God save The Queen! She has been the only Monarch alive in my many years of existence, and I date from the 1960’s, my own birth. She ascended The Throne at age 27, on June 2, 1953. She is now going on 95 years old, in April 2021. She is however much loved nowadays, and defended. And her husband, Prince Philip, is now 99 years old, still kicking too. And the Heir Apparent to The Throne is Prince Charles, now aged 72 years. The latest gossip is now nigh in America and the rest of the world too, re his 2nd son, Prince Harry, who married Meghan Markle, an American biracial former actress.

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry gave an interview to Oprah Winfrey, which aired on Sunday, 3/7/2021, on WCBS via Oprah’s production company, Harpo Productions. And full of revelations this interview was! We were collectively aghast! Worldwide even. What can we say about being driven to the point of suicide, because of isolation, and the neglect of mental health issues that were encroaching on the lifestyle of The Duchess of Sussex? Imagine being told u cannot see your friends, EVER, as u r too often outside, saturated news coverage, or that it isn’t done, to check into a hospital, or even get psychotherapy, or meds, or some freedom?! U literally give up everything: your keys, your ID, your possessions, your car, your passport….and when u give birth, your name isn’t on the birth certificate even, just your title! U have been stripped of your own personhood! Poor Meghan had not a clue what she was getting into, per the interview specifics. She just learned about Harry from him himself, not by outside sources.

And then other revelations too: like who asked such question about dealing with the baby’s skin color, should he be darker than his parents are?! Clearly enough now, the person who asked about that incendiary question was Prince Charles. It was later refuted that Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip were not the ones asking such a question, which indicates a latent racism as to skin color. Very bad position to take and ask that, as the UK is full of Black people, subjects, as is much of the Commonwealth of Nations, much of it in Africa. And the Commonwealth includes Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Ghana, South Africa, Nigeria, India, and other countries of antiquity. All have English as an official language.

And in this country, the only one which instituted a Revolution, back in 1776, w the Declaration of Independence, where we fought and won, against King George III, which is made a buffoon in droll comedy in the hit show Hamilton…but that’s another entry 4 the blog, another day, that wonderful show. But the concept of American exceptionalism and wealth by merit is deep in our veins, and it depends on a lot: a well educated citizenry, which is now in question, by virtue of political shenanigans, and choices in votes, every 4 years at least, when we elect or re-elect our President, who may not have our best interests at heart. We r an extremely politically divided nation in this present day. I’d call it mutual hatred even, in some quarters. We spar and then we incite insurrection even! And social media intensifies the divide. We only exist on the concept that we can achieve wealth and success by virtue of study, hard work, getting a professional career, or at least by skilled work, like plumbing, car repair, etc. But the Americans have not seen that this compact is totally frayed now: as higher education is often unaffordable, or available by mortgaging your financial future, via hi interest debt, student loans, on sky high tuitions, costs of study, being a major league gamble, on future earnings, on a job u may not even secure. Job opportunities r scarce now, in the pandemic blues, and whatever jobs there r, they may be low paid, as capitalism rewards stockholders, not so much employees. So until u get yourself into a CEO position w your own business, and do very well in said business, u r going to be paid by either government, or an outside employer, whose goal it is to pay u the least they can, to retain u, but also in pursuit of that almighty profit. Even non-profit businesses only pay well at the very top of the chain, not the rank and file. And Americans r NOT profiting collectively, and it doesn’t matter to those employers: their message is u r EXPENDABLE! AS IN SNUFFED OUT, easily replaced, dead.

When u have a system of masses of disenfranchised peoples, all scrounging, suffering, in debt, under a pile of it, unable to climb out, broke, over-mortgaged, 20 year old cars, which break and u can’t afford hi priced auto mechanic repairs, or when household items break, like water pipes in Texas, in a recent incident of no hot water, no heat, and no electricity, no drinking water, no toilets! No backup system! Well, u see u r in a 3rd world country then! And it falls down like a house of cards, when the middle class is being winnowed out, by the inequality of the system. Add in the pandemic, unequally affecting populations of color, of disenfranchisement, winnowing out and killing such people, to paraphrase Charles Dickens: “…to decrease the surface population…” because u can’t be bothered w providing for those who r unfortunate, who don’t make $. So democracy fails then.

The Americans haven’t grasped this truism yet: that the collapse of the merit based system is the death of democracy. But it’s coming. U can read the tea leaves in the desperation of millions of disenfranchised souls. Unequal opportunity = unequal chances of wealth or even middle class status = fury! Read the history of societies of which the many exist on the edges, w poor health care, poor housing, poor food choices, bad air, bad water, environmental racism, racism all around, hatred, and u can see that the House of Cards is toppled. People will not withstand long an unequal system where your only choices r drug abuse, alcoholism, suicide, killing, etc. Sound familiar, America?? Yeah, hang on the side of the cliff. Sooner or later, u fall off.

And the public education system is unequal too, tied to property values and taxes paid, so that a richer area has better schools, and the converse is true also. And scholarships r insufficient for the masses of people who want to go to college, which is by now out of reach of many. And financial aid is also insufficient, even in my day: the school figures an unrealistic budget, as to personal expenses, and your financial aid is pegged to that number. So if there isn’t extra at that point, well, u can’t go home then, because u can’t afford the air fare home. Or the massive phone bills, even w once weekly chats w your parents. The school budget falls far short. I even had to help friends who had not enough $ for food during my college days. Or laundry costs, or a movie that costs $2 to go. U graduate now frequently w $100K in debt! So how can u escape living in your parents’ house, like 4ever?! Many can’t. And many will never marry either, for failure to climb out of that debt, and establish independence. U extrapolate now, and many folks don’t even know what that word means, because the education system has failed them…and u can see that the system is teetering. Good luck, America: Donald Trump may yet tap into the fury out there, again. Or future insurrections, some to succeed. People do not recognize history either, in The rise of the Third Reich, except it’s here now.

Great Words in Sentences, A Marsha List

So I got a lot of chatter online recently when I concocted a self-made favorite words list, in remembrance of a youthful exposure to Vocabulary lists passed out every semester in English class at the Bronx HS of Science. But be advised my words r not from that time, and r purely on a slant that my brain is on right now…so do read my usages w humor and bon vivant (a person who enjoys a sociable and luxurious lifestyle). Or as the New Orleans folks say in French: Laissez les bons temps rouler! (Let the good times roll!)

  1. Technical language or jargon in an obscure field might be construed as gobbledygook by an audience untrained in such disciplines.

2. The annual Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute ball is the very definition of smashing!

3. Do u think the word orgasm is a loaded word? Yes, because the compiler of this list has been dubbed “Naughty Newman.” (Credit to Mr Henry Frisch, 2021. )

4. Many people feel discombobulated emerging from a roller coaster ride.

5. English has many shades of meaning in its words. Balderdash means nonsense, like talking gibberish or hooey.

6. Tho the 1st meaning of gook refers to an uncalled for ethnic slur, I simply intended it to be known as a mess on one’s hands, like poorly applied eye makeup.

7. A dog is reportedly man’s best friend, a/k/a a canine.

8. The American holiday of Thanksgiving often is celebrated by inviting guests over to a feast at someone’s home.

9. People w bipolar disorder often enjoy creating a neologism, which is literally a new word. Such words however may not be accepted by the community.

10. There r 2 flamingos named Rhett & Scarlett in residence at The Key West Butterfly & Nature Conservatory. They r both 9 yrs old now.

11. Seeing a ghost caused Hamlet to feel an inquietude of his own spirit (physical or mental restlessness or disturbance).

12. Acting on stage before a large audience can cause disquietude (a state of uneasiness or anxiety).

13. Watching William Shatner see a monster on an airplane wing in The Twilight Zone is certainly a phantasmagorical nightmare for his character.

14. Transcending the warp 10 speed barrier, Tom Paris & Captain Katherine Janeway went through a transmogrification into parent reptilians in a jungle. (The act or process of changing or being changed completely; often w humorous or grotesque effect).

15. Nowadays, car keys have become elaborate fobs, w many functions.

16. To utterly savor chocolate melting and eating it is often an act of hedonism for the consumer.

17. There r many schools of philosophy to study and all will challenge your preconceived notions of the meaning of life.

18. To say that physics was not my forté at the Bronx HS of Science would be an understatement!

19. A solipsistic view of life entails the believer to think that his self is the only thing that can be known to exist. It is extreme egocentricity and is not too different from narcissistic in meaning. Solipsism is a philosophy (that can be proven to exist, the self). Narcissism: excessive love of oneself.

20. Relativism has been used to explain that knowledge, truth & morality exist in relation to culture or historical context and r thus not absolute. An example would be looking at a certain group as being useful only for slavery because in that time frame, slavery was a known “good” for the society in question.

Post note: A friend asked me to use gobbledygook and gook together in a sentence.(Credit to Ms Pam Ruiz Apollo, 2021). Here was my response: While using Gorilla Glue as gook on her hair, she exclaimed Gobbledygook when she found she couldn’t get it out! Such is my humor, but in this case, it was a true news incident for a young lady, which wound up in her getting pro bono surgery to remove her permanently stuck hair. So really not funny. But a good usage of my crazy words at least. I love the expressiveness of the English language, hence this blog exists.

Jungleland Redux, Brucie Baby

Frankly, it irks me that my most read entry on this blog gets nary a comment, even tho readers from around the world read it! I have to conclude that no one likes “Analysis of ‘Jungleland,’ Bruce Springsteen’s Opus.” I even recently took another look at it, and added more to it, as to analysis of lyrics, from the original publishing of it, on December 7, 2017. So it’s now 3 yrs old +, and still I can’t do justice to the magnificence of this song, which is a true story out of the Bruce’s life, most likely, because all writers r told to write about that which they know…and this would be true of songwriters too. If not Bruce, then someone he knew or still knows. Do u see yourself in the song?? Does it seem familiar somehow, and yet magically brilliant? I find myself carried away on it, those opening strings, chords of the pleasure and pain of life, paid for in heartbreak, and agony, and ecstasy….and it is remarkable in that we flash back thru our lives, and insert ourselves into the song, no matter whether we be male or female, “wounded, not even dead,” which in a way may be worse. Can u countenance becoming a zombie, walking like the Living Dead, horrifically violent and insane, harming those whom we love, because of a pathogen invading our bodies, or a zombie biting us?? Is this better than being dead? I think not.

But let me not speak 4 u, dear reader. Perhaps u r suppressing your homicidal rage and paranoia within, because we r alternately both inherently good and evil creatures, and which one comes out dominant is dependent upon our upbringing, genetics, coping mechanisms, education, a million variables of growth & development. Also a function of our culture and society as well. A culture predicated upon a government of laws, of documents held sacred in public trust, like our Constitution in these United States, which gives us a right to a militia’s right to bear arms, which meant a wholly different thing in 1789 (the year it was made effective), rather than what is interpreted in modern life in 2021…and we interpret the law as immovable, sacrosanct, unwavering, as to the individual right to bear arms. And I am not a radical as to this right, being a reasonable woman: I can see the need to have a rifle say, to hunt, to bring home fresh meat carcasses for food, and maybe even display. No problem to me.

But when u bring that law, in our vaunted document, and twist it into the individual right to own a bumper stock, silencer enabled machine gun w sniper lenses from afar, designed as a mass killing machine, and that certainty that a certain number of our fellow humans r going to become evil, from their misfortunes in life, abuse, neglect, lack of love, disenfranchisement, a gun is the way out, for themselves AND others, whom they blame, collectively, en masse. There is a new word called “incel,” which means a usually young man, involuntarily celibate. As in rejected by maybe one woman, or even several, and cannot get laid, no matter how much he needs to, or wants it, he is repeatedly rejected, and feels worthless and enraged…u can multiply this to infinity, because incels r part of our society. And always will be. Some guys r just ugly, don’t make a living, r boring, feel entitled to the good of voluntary sexuality w their chosen quarry. But when they say one thing wrong, r less than confident, r on their way out of the world, as deformed, unable to get reconstructive surgery to restore their looks…pit faces marred by craters of acne…fat as a house, stupid, unathletic, uncool, pathetic little creatures who talk like hot wind bags of stupid facts that no one cares about…who r the proverbial Sheldons and Leonards of real life, who aren’t nearly as cool as their namesakes on The Big Bang Theory. In real life, the gang of friends will split before they r bored out of their skulls. But TV exists to make the uncomfortable a happy ending, and so our nerds on TV get the girls, the excellent jobs, children, even Nobel Prizes! And of course, mucho cash. Cash is the essential lubricant to the quality of life. But TV is clearly not real life. We see the reality and want to escape from it, hence the love of TV and movies and music, all the performing arts. Making something beautiful from our real life pains, we sublimate it all.

But then again, we see some method in our madness too, and seek out vengeance instead. We rap, dance, jump quadruples on ice, on uneven bars, become the best of what we can be, at the limits of human endurance, and celebrate that achievement every 4 yrs at the worldwide Olympics. And we listen to these songs, over and over again, testing whether we can glean some other meaning not heretofore revealed or analyzed, as in Jungleland, by my personal favorite artist, The Boss, Bruce Springsteen. I even gave a copy of my original essay, printed off my MAC, to the Boss himself, when he was playing at the Walter Kerr Theater, in NYC, Broadway, via Fed Ex, because I was unsuccessful in getting to hand it to him in the crowd after or even before a show, Springsteen on Broadway. But I received confirmation that the envelope got to him, at least. I sat near the front of the theater two times out of 3 shows that I went to see him there. He noticed me all three times. I wore him on my chest, a custom made T shirt of us meeting the year before. I dub myself his #1 fan in all of New York, at least. My passion is strong, but also tame, as I am a good woman, and the devil within has not won. And I love that he has a good life overall, despite the horrors of his early life. He overcame, spectacularly! And that is what I aspire to also. To overcome the detritus of abuse and neglect, and even tho we emerge wounded, still, we won. Even if Jungleland leaves us wondering if that is so.

I do think I became that blowhard bore sometimes, when I am not making others laugh. But fortunately, that isn’t too often. People still like me, and my blog, even if they don’t say so explicitly. I also accept constructive criticism, because my skin is tougher than it looks. And my 12 yr old honorary niece accuses me of being a “fanatic” of the Bruce, but I know that her opinion is based on insufficient evidence, and she hears me talk of him much, as I want to influence her taste. And my car is named for him also. And it’s a hell of a car also, especially cruising the New Jersey Turnpike and Garden State Parkway in NJ…and I feel pride that Voyager, my car’s name, represents me well. Whether on Backstreets or pikes. She is an extension of who I think I am. And men and women r equal in my mind. Worthy of respect and love, and in control of ourselves.

So come away w me! Cruise the highways of life, adventures, cruises, flights, drives, furs on virgin snow lovemaking! In the lakes and valleys, mountains, trees, vibrating beds, and bods, and great food, candlelight, a desire to please, over and over, a good cook, a good conversationalist, a wild imagination, many interests…and within a little vixen as well, to keep it spicy, not boring. But the good won already, so no need to fear. I am no zombie, not yet anyway….

Scam Artists

If there is anything that really riles me up, to the point of cursing out a perpetrator, but not only him, also his family, all of it, and his friends, for good measure (!), I can be pretty passionate about destroying a person’s life, if they get me good and angry. I curse them all to death by slow torture, but of course, it just feels good to let out the beast within, in words, if not deeds. This is how I know why murder is disturbingly common, especially in the USA, w its vaunted and cherished 2nd Amendment Right to Bear Arms. And we relish our TV programs and movies, and series, that gloat and glorify death by hanging, by guillotine, by chocolate….TV is the reason also why I will likely live out my life in the USA. I don’t cotton to the same types of programming in other countries as much. Even tho I enjoy watching internationally, on occasion, when traveling. And I watch Star Trek now daily, luxuriously salivating in it, all 5 classic series, because of a new cable channel called Heroes & Icons. That’s what they r to me, larger than life characters. I even look up guest stars to see if they r still alive. Of course some aren’t, because The Original Series aired from 1966-69. Some of that series have gone into the Great Beyond already: Leonard Nimoy, DeForest Kelley, James Doohan, Majel Barrett, Grace Lee Whitney, countless important characters past, from TV and the silver screen both. It’s been a long, strange ride living concurrently w a golden age of a utopia that does not even remotely exist on Earth, but yet we want to strive for that utopia that they create so effortlessly on screen.

But yet again, I digress. I am guilty of that, often. Today’s writing brings me to a railing against scam artists. They r becoming more clever, daily, to find out your personal information, because they can hack your computer pretty easily, get into it, simply by putting up a virus, malware, onto your yet protected MAC computer. And u see the message on your screen, that your computer is infected w several Trojan horse viruses, and u need to call this toll free number, in order to get it off your screen, and back to safety. And u get pop up ads too, even tho u have AdBlock Plus on the site, and the icon is lit w the number of ads that r actively being blocked at this minute….So sadly u call the number, and a kindly lady reassures u, and says they r going to fix it 4 u, and THEY DO! BUT THE NEXT DAY THE TROJAN MALWARE IS BACK ON YOUR SYSTEM, AND THE POP UP ADS TOO! And u try in good faith to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they took your money in order to clean up your system, for life even, on 3 devices…but day by day, it keeps happening!

Can u imagine how my frustration is like a lava pit volcano now? I gave them from 11 days to really fix the problem, and yet they continue to lie. And I tell them from the get go that as I give my credit card number, that I have protection against them, in case their service doesn’t solve the problem, I can dispute it w my card issuer. And that is what happened. Now that credit card is compromised for future usage, because the thieves who took the info have my address, phone number and card number, that they will use at a future date, to steal again. I will pre-empt them tho, by getting a new card number. At a time of my choosing, not theirs. And this crap continues to happen, millions of times a day, all over the Western World. They think we r rich. Ha!

So one guy who thought that I was a backwater moll, a schmuck, even tho I told him I am well educated, w a high IQ even, he wasn’t going to fool me. He sent me on a foolish quest, set up to intimidate, w my phone on all the time, to go get some $2000 in gift cards from Best Buy! Teehee. I was making a monkey out of him actually, by playing along, to get him to think I was a real mark for him, to steal from…but I pulled the rug out from under his feet. He wasn’t getting me to set a trap for the thief, when HE was the thief!!! I was a Black Widow to him actually, in that I let him think that he was getting closer to the prize, but then, saying nope, gotcha! I cursed him and all his peeps to death by slow torture, and then prayed afterward, as God knows I am but a sweetheart. I wasn’t serious about his people, his family, but I wanted him to feel fear for fucking w me so long and so hard.

Taurus is slow to anger, but it’s true that once roused, we r like a dog w a juicy bone to gnaw. We take no shit from any would be assassins or thieves, or creeps, and have self defense techniques also mastered. I even once did a good impression grumbling to myself and screaming, as a reverse psychology, because I was actually afraid to ride the subway late at night from the South Bronx. I figured if I was acting like a dangerous crazy person, then the would be criminals would take easier bait in someone else. I got home safely. These asses out there r not gonna get any satisfaction unless I deem them worthy of what it is they r selling. And that includes romance also. Some of these jerks make attempts to get u, in a romantic way, in order to simply break your heart. These r known as phishing scams. Most women have been victimized actually, in the beginning, when they were neophytes in the dating game. And they also use such scams in order to rob u as well. Unfortunately, many women r less savvy than I am, and can be victimized over and over again.

All I can say is that karma will get u, one way or another, so be a good soul. Put light out into the world that it may reflect back 2 u. And also, get educated about the School of Hard Knocks, because “a sucker is born every minute, with two to take him.” – P.T. Barnum. And that is true this minute as well, in 2021. Whether online, in person, on the phone…Get yourself a good guy, and keep him. That’s my advice. And also develop yourself as best as u can, so that u can hold up in this upstream river of life. U don’t want to be married to someone who is a leech. At least not initially, and not due to defective character. And not due to your own dependence on someone else’s money, so as to be beaten, abused, raped, all manner of criminal activity and domestic violence, just because u need to keep a roof over your head, which u cannot afford. In the greater scheme of life, I lucked out actually, to be independent, smart, and w no one who holds a gun to my head.

I get to be everyone’s kindly aunt, friend, sister, cousin, formerly daughter, niece, granddaughter…w no major responsibilities, and no one can say boo to me, in this game. I am a rainbow of cookies, w no calories, but almond paste delicious, w lobster grilled cheese mini sandwiches, love cooking, colorful, flavorful salads, lots of steaming hot veggies cooked in olive oil, Italian is my specialty, roaming the streets when it’s fair weather, taking in the fragrance of cherry blossoms blooming, daffodils, manicured bushes, thinking of a BBQ poolside, w friends, being grateful for vaccines that bring new life to those who survived this crisis…and hugs and kisses, unafraid once again! I wish everyone vigilance in the fight until we r truly delivered. In order to be standing at the end, we must first survive. And not go and anger God more w hatred and foolishness. Love of neighbor is love of God too.